Category: Spirit

Made to Fly

Made to Fly

Posted on by Ginger

*This post is in honor of my mother who flew into the arms of Jesus on August 10th, 2019.*

It’s been quite a while since I last posted on my blog. A lot has happened and I look forward to sharing in the upcoming months what I have been learning. I have long believed that we must heal on all three levels- mind, body and spirit, in order to fully heal. But these last few years have solidified this belief for me in ways I could not imagine. Less than two weeks ago, I stood beside my mother’s grave as they lowered her casket. She suffered the past few years from a Parkinsonian disease called Progressive Supranuclear Palsy(PSP). It’s a horrible disease that traps you in your body while your mind is still functional. There are no medications or cures. Unlike most Parkinsonian disorders, PSP does not afford you much time. The digression is rapid and lifespan after onset is typically 5-8 years. My mother was diagnosed late in the disease, but we estimate that she lived about 6 years after the initial symptoms began. My mother’s life, especially these last few years, have played a huge part in me learning the importance of not ignoring the fact that we are indeed a triune being. The health of our mind impacts our body as much as our spirit. You cannot work to heal two parts and ignore the third. The one left out will surely impede the healing of the other two. At the same time, as we bring health to one part we will begin to see the overflow of healing on the other parts of ourselves. My mother was mentally ill long before a physical illness took over her body. We believe that her mental illness played a key role in bringing on the PSP. As her children we felt the impact of a broken mind, body and spirit more than anyone else. We grieved over a mother lost, long before a disease threatened to steal her last breath.

We learned to cherish every hug and savor every “I love you.”

In this last year, as she declined and we knew death was just around the corner, I spent a lot of time at her bedside wondering what my healthy and whole mother would say to me. What loving message would she want to impart to her children? With each visit, the need to be her voice and speak for her grew within me. I prayed for wisdom and the right words. Then one morning, a couple months before she took her last breath, I woke with the words I felt God wanted me to share with my family. I read these words with love on the day of her funeral. I wanted to honor my mother, by being her voice (her whole and healthy voice). I have since realized that it is a message not just for my family. So after many requests, I am going to share what I wrote (for a private few) with all of you. This is not refined. This is just raw honest love and hope offered up in a moment of grief. This is the message I felt my mother wanted me to share with my siblings- her children. Here is part of my very non-traditional eulogy…

“Our mama has flown home to Jesus. For the first time in her life she is free. She is healed and whole physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Heaven must be so glorious for her. I believe if she could speak to us now she would tell us to take care of our baggage. You see our pasts are like baggage that we drag around with us. We have all heard that before. Mom wanted to be a better mom and create a better home than the one she grew up with, and she did that in many ways. But mom walked around with so much baggage that it got in the way of her journey and doing the things she really wanted to do. She got to the airport and never checked her bags.

“The only way to fly is to check your bags.”

 If you are carrying your bags around the airport it slows you down. You can’t get where you are going very fast. And you can’t load the plane with baggage- it has to be checked. You are allowed a carry-on. Those are the treasures we keep with us so they don’t get lost. The cherished memories that help us be the people we are meant to be or basic things that help us function fully. Those are the intended items for our carry-on. If we stuff our carry-on full of junk we get on the plane and we don’t have what we need to enjoy the flight. But our big old baggage is not allowed as carry-ons. We can pretend we don’t have baggage and we can wander under the weight of it through the airport never going anywhere. Never flying. We can try to abandon it, but as we all know- an unattended bag becomes a threat to everyone. It’s interesting to see how some people try to pack their stuff into really pretty fancy bags, trying to make it look better. They may even brag about how nice their baggage is. But if they don’t check their bags, they still can’t fly. Others decide to sit in the middle of the airport and set up camp with their baggage. They unpack everything and just sit there with it. Making themselves at home in the middle of all their junk from their baggage. They can even often find a community to join where others have set up camp with their baggage too. It may seem comfortable and friendly, but none of them are flying. Together they are stuck at the airport going nowhere. The only way to fly is to check your bags. You have to acknowledge you have them. You have to weigh and measure. Sometimes you have to pull stuff out and toss it. Sometimes you find a treasure you decide to tuck into your carry-on. But you have to check those bags in order to get on that plane. And before you think that your baggage is your own and nobody else’s business. And what you want to do with your baggage is personal because it only impacts your flight plans. Think again! As a mom, if I don’t deal with my baggage it impacts my whole family. My family either has to fly without me or I trap them in the airport with me. I know not all of us are parents, but trust me when I say that it impacts your spouse and anyone else who is close to you. We can often pile our baggage on the ones we love most. 

“You were made to fly my dear children!”

Mom has finally flown. She can see how much baggage she left behind on each of us and she can see all the baggage we each have packed over the years. And I know she would first say- I am sorry I left so much baggage piled on each of you. I am sorry I grounded so many of your flights growing up because I couldn’t check my baggage. And I am sorry you have to learn to fly without me, because I wasn’t able to fly with you. Then she would say- You were made to fly my dear children! You were made to soar! So stop dragging those bags around, don’t try to camp with them. Take those bags straight to the counter where Jesus is ready to help you weigh and measure each bag. He is ready to check your bags for you. Are you ready to let Him? Your itinerary may involve stops where you have to re-check those bags over and over. Don’t get stuck along the way- keep checking your bags. Fly my children and LIVE! Live the life I never could. Don’t wait like me until you die. Teach your children how to check their bags so they can fly! Teach your grandchildren to fly! It’s time we step away from a history of being grounded and discover the joy of soaring! And when you soar and you hear laughter in the wind, that’s me. That’s me enjoying the wholeness and healing I have found, and joining in the joy of your flight! I love you my dear children! ~ Your Whole and Healthy Mama”

“…as you take your next step in healing… find the courage to check your bags and take flight!”

Those words are very personal to me, but I know that they are not personalized. Baggage is something that is universal- we all deal with it, or we don’t. I don’t know where on your healing journey you find yourself right now, but I am willing to bet that there might be some baggage that needs to be checked. It seems like an ongoing part of continuing on this adventure we call life. We constantly need to stop, weigh, measure, and hand over the baggage we collect to Jesus. We cannot heal on our own… no matter how many great tools we have in our bags. We need Jesus to handle the baggage or we will find ourselves grounded, going nowhere. I am praying for you as you take your next step in healing, that you will find the courage to check your bags and take flight! 

Until next time, keep fighting the current ~ Ginger

Facing Limitations

Facing Limitations

Posted on by Ginger

I am sorry for leaving the ending of my 40 Day Fast dangling in the air with no conclusion. I finished the last couple days by breaking my water fast. I did one major thing wrong- I introduced things back into my diet way too fast. I was plagued with indigestion and nausea as I overwhelmed my poor digestive system. I have to confess though- I really miss the light healthy feeling I had while on a liquid diet. Beyond my digestive system feeling lighter, I was feeling better all around. Some of these symptoms have stayed away and others have come back as I’ve added more foods back into my diet. But even harder than keeping a healthy diet has been keeping up with proper self-care, especially with the holidays.

My family was all in town to give my mom the best Christmas gift we could all think of- all of her children and grandchildren in one place! Our gathering was a welding of joy and grief as we realized this is likely her last Christmas. I have been spending countless hours trying to get her moved to a better nursing facility without a lot of success. When I was a child, my mother made me promise I wouldn’t put her into a nursing home. “Promise me you will take care of me when I get old. Promise me you won’t just ship me off to a nursing home.” It was ingrained in my brain and imprinted on my heart. I tried. Earlier this year I had her in my home but it was just too much. I couldn’t stay awake 24 hours a day and she needed more care than I could offer. The guilt of placing her in a home has been haunting me ever since. I have found myself trying to figure out a way to get home health aids to help me be able to bring her back home. But the harsh reality I have been avoiding is the frailty of my own health. Being the full time caregiver of a parent is hard enough for someone who has their health, but I would be starting out “behind” and at a definite disadvantage. What would I do if I came down with a 2 day migraine? What would I do on the days my Ankylosing Spondylitis is flaring and pain radiates from my spine? How will I change her and help her in and out of her wheelchair? What will I do when I have to take my children for their Lyme treatments 3 hours away? Who will care for her while we’re gone all day? I can’t simply stop treatments. What about the days where simply showering and making breakfast take every last ounce of energy I have? How will I find the energy to make and spoon feed her 3 meals a day, and clean her up? And what about my children? My illness already robs them of so much, but how much more so, if any energy I have goes to caring for the basic needs of my mom day in and day out?

The battle in my mind went back and forth like an intense chess match, until I finally succumbed to God’s checkmate on my heart. The little girl inside of me wanted to keep her promise, but my heart knew that it was not the right choice for myself or my family… nor for my mother. I had to admit that physically my body simply cannot handle it. I cannot give her the care she needs in my home despite my desire to do so. I had to face that ignoring my physical needs to push myself was not going to prove anything other than my spirit’s need to let go of unearned guilt. I sat down this week and through tears released the little girl in me from the promise she made, so many times, so many years ago. That little girl had no idea she would grow up to have a broken sick body. She had no idea she would have a sick husband who daily battles debilitating pain and needs extra help. That little girl had no idea that she would have four children with serious health issues that would need special attention and care to get better. She had no idea, but I am not a little girl anymore. The “adult me” must face my limitations, and choose well my priorities, for the benefit of all those entrusted to my care. And in granting myself permission to let go of the guilt, I found I was ready to take care of myself again, so I can keep caring for all those I love so much. As I look to the New Year my prayer is that I will live each day with intention, in a way that protects and promotes the things that matter most!

“ No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:13-14 (NLT)

When History Becomes His-Story

When History Becomes His-Story

Posted on by Ginger

I promised to be real and honest with this blog. And without sharing a little about my past you will never understand the significance of the past couple days. So here I go… it’s about to get real and raw.

When I was sixteen I started to struggle with depression. I tried my best to hide if from everyone. But it grew in it’s complexity and soon I started cutting. Nothing too severe that it would be obvious, but it was my progression into a very dark and suicidal thought process. When my parents found out they responded in fear, and much to their later regret, told me that if I would just “get my faith in order” my depression would go away. That was followed by all sorts of threats of consequences if I didn’t pull myself together.

Truth was that my faith was not wavering. I spent more hours in prayer asking God to fix me and wondering what I had done wrong. Instead of getting help, I got better at hiding my struggle. And over the next couple years I developed an eating disorder. I thought at first that it was bulimia, as I would binge on foods that would make me sick, followed by fasting and laxatives. But years later, as I confronted my issue with a nutritionist, I discovered that my binge days were less than a 1000 calories. I was starving and purging myself. Most people think that eating disorders are mainly about poor body image, but the truth is that it is usually more about control and self hatred. My eating disorder was my slow suicide. It would take me until I was 20 to get the help I so desperately needed.

I will never forget walking through the doors of Loma Linda’s Behavioral Health Unit, and hearing them lock behind me. With that step, I let go of all pride and every attempt to please those around me, and I begged the doctors for help. God would send amazing nurses and therapists to pray over me and guide me in my healing process. But it would be another year before I would get serious about dealing with my eating disorder. For anyone who struggles with severe depression and daily suicidal ideations- there is hope and healing! It was several months of intense therapy before I had my first day where I didn’t consider suicide. And then it was a week, that soon turned into months, where I experienced freedom from the darkness that had haunted me. It was a lot of work and hard honesty, but it was so worth it. I had to be on anti-depressants on and off for several years. I never expected my eating disorder to raise it’s ugly head when I got pregnant, but it did. I also struggled with post-partum depression after a couple of my children’s births. When I start to feel myself slipping into that dark pit, I immediately seek out help. I have learned there is no shame in seeking help. We live in weak bodies that do not always function as they should. A weak physical body does not equal a weak faith! When I sought out help for my eating disorder I knew it was best to abstain from fasting. I knew it had the potential to drag me back into my old disordered eating patterns and thinking. So in the past 15 years if I have wanted to “fast” for spiritual reasons, I would simply select one food that I would fast from. I knew God understood my heart and would honor that I was treating my body with love and respect.

Fast forward to October of this year when I first started thinking about doing my 40 Day Liquid Fast. A liquid diet for 40 days! I knew it had the potential to bring up old issues. So I gathered a group of women to pray over me and check in on my progress. These are women I feel safe with and can be completely honest about my struggles. I have sought each day to listen to my body and it’s needs, rather than dictating a pre-planned diet. The purpose of my fast was health and healing, not restriction and rules. I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to be at a point in my healing journey that I could do this with real love and honor for my body. My thought process throughout this fast has been one of care and concern for this failing body of mine that has been through so much. Prioritizing my health has been a challenge since day one, but I am learning how to be gentle with myself. I have asked my body- what do you need right now? That has changed from day to day, and even from morning to afternoon. Then about halfway through the liquid fast the idea of doing a water fast came up. The benefits were clear from my research. I wondered if I could do it. How would I handle it emotionally? Would my body do okay? Would I be able to listen to my body closely enough so I wouldn’t cross the line of healthy fasting into starvation?

Day one I felt fine, I wasn’t hungry and everything was pretty much normal. Mentally I felt good and was thankful for the love I felt toward my body. Day two I felt fine until I took a hot shower. Your blood pressure naturally lowers during fasting to conserve energy and my hot shower must have dropped it further. I felt a little light headed the rest of the day. I was still able to enjoy a fun family evening with the kids. Day three the fatigue set in and although I had a long “to-do” list for the day, I had to practice gentleness and slow down. I know my body is doing a lot of healing and regenerating work during a fast, so the fatigue is normal. I went to bed with a slight headache and woke in the middle of the night with a migraine (something I am all too familiar with). I got up this morning on day four and immediately did a coffee enema in hopes of halting the debilitating migraine. It took the majority of the pain away along with the nausea and floaters. But I still had this knot in my upper back (also quite common) that was threatening a recurrence. I fought off the guilt monster and finally gave in to what my body had been begging for- rest! I curled up in a dark room with a heating pad and ice pack. There were plenty of leftovers in the fridge for my husband to feed the kids- they would survive without me for a few hours. Construction projects have halted, paperwork piles sit, and the rest of life will just have to wait. I am giving myself permission to pause and take care of my body. This body that, despite still having more than 20 extra pounds on it, I have been learning to love. This body that I am choosing to praise God for! It is an imperfect and broken body, but it is the one God gave me. With it I live on this earth to do His will, for His glory. So I better take good care of it! I am tempted to run around trying to do more and more, and yet I hear His voice calling- “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28 NIV) Sometimes doing the will of God is simply a matter of stopping, being still and resting in Him! So I am praising God for how He has transformed my history into His Story of healing in my life, and I am choosing rest and love today.

“I lie down and sleep. I wake up again, because the Lord takes care of me.” Psalm 3:5 (NIRV)

Live Well, Love Well

Live Well, Love Well

Posted on by Ginger

I wrote a beautiful post. It was all about how we discovered toxic mold in our home and my mom’s diagnosis of PSP (Progressive Supranuclear Palsy) in this strange dueling dance over the past two years. It spoke of Thanksgiving and being thankful for how far we have come in rehabbing our home, while grieving that each holiday could be my mother’s last. I poured out my heart… and then I woke up! I had written the whole thing in my dreams. That’s how much you all have been on my mind, I am literally dreaming about writing to you!

I have been pushing myself hard the past couple weeks with this idea of what I wanted this year’s Thanksgiving to be like. I wanted it to be perfect. This very well could be my mom’s last Thanksgiving and I wanted it to be everything she would want it to be. She always kept a spic and span home, with everything organized perfectly. I on the other hand, have been living with construction going on for two years. We have been without counters and a kitchen sink for close to the same time. Organized doesn’t exactly describe my home! I was pushing hard to get the kitchen done and the clutter cleared, but alas I failed. I did, however, get the large counter tiled and ready to grout. It was progress! And as I am learning, progress is better than perfection.

I woke super early on Thursday to start cooking. The house was quiet. And as I thought about what would really matter to my mother, I knew it had nothing to do with the condition of my house. She would enjoy being with her grandkids while relaxing in our home. She would enjoy eating some of her favorite holiday dishes. She would love watching a Christmas movie and hearing the kid’s laughter over it. We could make her day a little extra special, by helping her get a nice long hot shower (not something she gets to enjoy in the nursing facility as often as she would like) and giving her a haircut. As I looked around at the messes here and there, I knew I hadn’t failed. I had done my best. And I would do my best all day to love my mom well and make her Thanksgiving wonderful!

I have been pushing so hard each day that by night time my body is screaming in pain. I haven’t been pausing long enough to do the things that help. My feet ached as I darted back and forth cooking in the kitchen. It actually brought a smile to my face as I whispered, “Thank you Lord for pain, it means I am living!” I am mothering four children. I am tiling a kitchen. I am cleaning my home. I am living! Life is precious. We need to be living each day to the fullest, and not simply existing. It’s too short! As we enter the holiday season, knowing it could be my mother’s last, this message seems to be imprinting itself deep into my heart. Life is crazy, and it seems to get crazier around the holidays. I don’t want to let the hussle and bussle of life dictate my days. I want to live intentionally and with purpose. I want to be mothering with intention. I want to be loving those around me well and letting them know how thankful I am for their presence in my life. What about you? Are you living? Or simply existing? Do you feel pain in your body? It means your heart is still beating and you have another day to live well! I hope you had a beautiful Thanksgiving. And I hope this is the beginning of a purposeful holiday season for you!

“Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.
He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!”

Psalm 103:1-5 (NLT)

 

Choking Down Liquid Salad

Choking Down Liquid Salad

Posted on by Ginger

You only have to read my post titles to see that dealing with chronic health challenges can be like riding a roller coaster. You have good days that take you up high, followed by crashing low days where everything seems more challenging. I pushed myself hard on Saturday to get some projects accomplished here around the house. It felt good to see progress and check things off my long to-do list. But the last two mornings I have felt the “pain of accomplishment” as I’ve tried to move my body out of bed. Yesterday, I pushed through the pain to get the kids and I to church on time and enjoyed being able to worship with my church family. (BTW- The “on time” part is a huge accomplishment on any Sunday morning!) It’s important to realize that a down day physically doesn’t necessarily mean a down day mentally. I have many days that I drag my body around like a wet blanket, but my spirit is lifted. If you ask me how I am doing on one of these days, I will likely hesitate before answering, trying to decide whether to be honest about the physical pain or just share the positive spirit. Most likely I will settle on a generic answer that keeps the mood light. It’s easier that way.

I am noticing a trend with my “bad days.” Besides the fact that they are almost always after a day I have pushed myself to the limit, they are also days that I don’t take the time to do as much “self-care.” Taking the time to do self-care is tough! It’s so easy to tell my friends how important it is to take care of themselves and create space to do things that will boost their own health. It’s a whole other thing to actually put those words into practice in my own life. I have a friend who recently posted a picture of herself with the workout video she was doing in the background. She labeled her post with the word “Effort.” I love it! She was making the effort to take care of herself and workout. Just finding the energy and time to make an effort some days is REALLY hard! Her simple post was both inspiring and challenging. It reminded me that self-care isn’t about perfection but simply making the effort. Some days we may not have a lot of “accomplishments” to celebrate but we have made a lot of effort. We need to celebrate the effort! On the days we don’t even make the effort we need to gently ask ourselves why? We may be surprised by the answers that this simple question can yield. Yesterday I made very little effort to implement good self-care. Why? Lack of time… lack of energy… lack of good prioritizing. I offered myself grace while also realizing I needed to make some adjustments to my priorities. I realized that some things I don’t prioritize simply because I honestly don’t enjoy doing them, despite their benefits. Without meaning to, I made the perfect analogy yesterday for lunch!

For whatever reason, I really wanted a big crunchy salad. I wanted colorful peppers, crisp cucumbers and sweet tomatoes on top of a big bed of Romaine lettuce. It was a very healthy craving, but I am still on my liquid fast. So I decided I would try to make myself a “liquid” salad. I should have stopped there. It sounds disgusting and the result was equally so. I poured this horrible looking mixture into my glass and tried to choke it down. (I am saving your appetite by not posting a picture of the actual smoothie. My “dream salad” picture is much better!) I tried to salt my “salad” but that did very little to help. A large dose of apple cider vinegar helped more than I expected, but it was still not enjoyable. The worst part- I made a full Vitamix container of it! Oy! And the kicker- it’s actually one of the most healthy smoothies I’ve ever made! It’s chock full of healthy organic veggies! There’s a lot of “goodness” in that nastiness. So I sat down and drank it. My kids all watched my face as I tried to make the experience look pleasant. I failed. They could all tell it was NOT good. I used the moment to teach them that even mommies have to do and eat things that they don’t like sometimes because it’s good for them. But the lesson hit home most in my own heart. I was drinking it because I didn’t want to waste all those good ingredients. I knew that it was incredibly nourishing despite the unpleasant flavor. How many good days have I “wasted” because I don’t enjoy the treatments that help me feel well and function at my best? I don’t enjoy the coffee enemas (who does?) but the days I do them I notice a HUGE difference. I don’t like the mistletoe shots I have to give myself, but they are stimulating my immune system. I could go on and on with the treatments I don’t like, yet I know are making a big difference in my ability to function. I get anxious taking time for treatments for myself. The long to-do lists starts to haunt me as I sit quietly contained detoxing in the sauna. But just like my nourishing “liquid salad,” I need to “choke” these things down. I need to discipline myself to do them so I can experience the benefits. What’s your “liquid salad?” What is something you know you will benefit from doing even though it may be unpleasant? Maybe we can encourage one another in our effort to “choke it down!” Here’s to making the effort!!!

Balance

Posted on by Ginger

As you can see I am trying to get into the rhythm of posting every other day… or 3-4 times a week. I want to be sharing our journey while also keeping a good balance for my family. Balance is so important in life, but can feel so elusive at times. The use of technology can be an especially hard balancing act. If you are like me you appreciate a phone that can help you navigate to unknown places, do a quick google search and connect you to friends and family all over the world. At the same time there is this challenge of being “too connected” digitally while not connecting in person nearly enough. And of course, it’s not just our social life that can be affected by our overuse of technology. It’s not uncommon for me to get swept up working on my computer at night, with it’s intrusive blue light, instead of allowing my body time to prepare for going to bed. The blue light that our computers, TVs and phones emit can inhibit the natural production of melatonin, which in turn affects our ability to fall and stay asleep. With my challenge this month to get to bed by 11 pm each night, I have noticed that my evenings are not very “technologically” balanced. I really need to be turning off ALL digital devices at least an hour before I plan on going to sleep. I also need to be utilizing my salt lamps in the evening, with their gentle red glow, instead of all the LED bulbs throughout our house.

We often think of good bedtime routines as essential for our little children, but often forget how important they are for us as adults. We tend to push ourselves from the time we wake up until the time we fall into bed at night. But what if we started to create simple and sleep supportive bedtime routines for ourselves? Would we notice a difference in our sleep quality? What if we kept technology out of our rooms so that our bodies would get a break from all the EMF’s that these devices are exposing us too? (Check out the great article below on EMFs.) Before I go further, let me clarify, these are routines, not a set of unbreakable rules to add stress to your evening! The idea of creating a bedtime routine is to develop a habit of unplugging and unwinding from all the stress of the day. So don’t make it something elaborate that will cause angst and guilt because you don’t do it just perfect and exact each night. Keep it simple! My goal is to “unplug” an hour before my bed time and boil water for a relaxing cup of tea. My husband needs to do something with his brain to help it disconnect from all the worries of the day. He often plays a game on the computer before bedtime, but for his birthday we bought him a bunch of Sudoku books from the local dollar store. It’s good to understand what your brain needs to relax, but then try to find a “tech-free” way to achieve it.

I understand that there are also devices and even apps you can purchase that help block and limit the blue light from electronic devices. I have a pair of blue light blocking glasses for when I use my computer. But I would like to challenge us to find a way to actually take a break from technology and unplug for at least that last hour of the day. In a world so consumed with technology we need to be even more aware of our need to disconnect. Balance is a tricky thing, and everyone’s needs will be different. But universally we all need to disengage from the noise of technology so we can enjoy the quiet, take a break from social media to connect with the people in front of us, and detach from our virtual worlds to absorb the nature around us! What step will you take this week to find a better balance in your relationship with technology?

“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10 (NKJV)

Resources:

Celebrate Progress!

Posted on by Ginger

It’s super important to celebrate the little things in life! So today I am celebrating being on Day 10 of my liquid fast!!! That means I am a quarter of the way done. Woohoo! I am actually enjoying the challenge and the “growth” process. It has been even more enlightening to share the adventure with all of you. I find myself contemplating what I am learning each day instead of just quickly glossing over it. There is this beautiful sense of accountability and community.  So thank you for being part of my journey!

Here are a few of the positive changes I have noticed:

  • The dark circles under my eyes have lightened.
  • I have had less afternoon fatigue.
  • My cravings have diminished. I am not having the strong salty or sweet cravings in the evenings.
  • I am not having the same PMS symptoms I have had in previous months. (I will share more about that soon.)
  • Swollen tender lymph nodes have gone down and are less sensitive.
  • Less bloating and GI discomfort.

Those are just the main positives I am blatantly noticing. I know there are a lot more subtle ones going on. I have also noticed that I am breaking out more on my face and all. When healing and detoxing you always want to heal from the inside out. So in other words, you want to be pushing the toxins to the surface, not deeper into your body. So this increase in skin breakouts is actually a good sign even though it sounds negative. I have also had different joints and “pains” flare up that I haven’t felt in months. This too is a good sign as the body likes to revisit “old pains” as it heals. I am very happy with the progress I am making so far. I am not looking for miraculous changes over night, but instead steady gradual changes that will rebuild and fortify a healing foundation as I go forward.

One of best changes I have noticed is within my mental frame of mind. I feel like I am making decisions easier and with less anxiety. Yesterday I knew I needed to take a break from technology, so I stayed away from my phone and computer as much as possible. AND I didn’t feel guilty about it once! Then I had to make a decision about an upcoming business opportunity that I really wanted to do, but also knew it would take it’s toll on me physically. I have limited energy and I am still trying to work on the construction around our house. (We have been rehabbing from toxic mold.) I asked myself what the “best yes” was for me, given my current circumstances, took time to pray over it and then responded. The best part- I didn’t feel guilty when I decided to say no! It’s like when I gave myself permission to make my physical health a priority it translated into making my mental and spiritual health a priority too- guilt free! Funny how it trickles down and is all intertwined!

I know that none of these things shared today are major milestones or great accomplishments, but they are important just the same. It really is important to celebrate and give thanks for the little things in our lives. When we look for these little celebrations we open our hearts to notice even more of the beauty around us. We won’t always have big grand things to celebrate, but we can find joy in the little gifts God places along our daily paths. What can you celebrate today? What little “gift” has God placed in your path? Would you be daring enough to share in the comments below so I can celebrate with you? Let’s praise God together for the little things in life!!!

“Be generous with me and I’ll live a full life;
    not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road.
Open my eyes so I can see
    what you show me of your miracle-wonders.“

Psalm 119:17-18 (MSG)

Tears in the Tub

Posted on by Ginger

Today I woke with a migraine for the second day in a row. Migraines are my weakness, the littlest thing will set one off. I thought I had halted my migraine before I went to bed last night, but by the wee hours of the morning I was awake tossing in pain. I got up and made myself some herbal tea, a combination of Doctor Cinnamon Tea with a pinch of Lobelia. Last week, while researching the respiratory benefits of Lobelia, I discovered it can also act like a muscle relaxant. I decided it might be a good migraine remedy since most of my migraines involve muscle tension in my neck and shoulders. I added a pinch of Lobelia to the Doctor Cinnamon Tea blend because it contains Ginkgo Biloba, which has been shown to increase cerebral blood flow and ease headaches. (Not all migraines are caused by decreased blood flow but many are, including mine. Two signs that mine have a vascular component are that my pupils don’t dilate equally during a migraine, and heat from a sauna and/or hot shower will temporarily relieve the pain until I hit the cool air.) Yesterday this tea combo worked really well to relieve the pain, but today I only experienced a slight reprieve. So I decided to try the one thing I had not done yesterday… the coffee enema. AND it worked!!!

We have this great large jet tub in our Master bathroom where I can hide away from the kids and relax. I had crawled into it and was feeling my muscle tension melt away with the migraine, when the tears started to flow. There is something very cleansing about allowing yourself to cry. All week I had felt tears right below the surface, and now they were finally flowing. “Lord, I am so far behind on life. I am so overwhelmed. I don’t feel like I’m ever enough!” I sobbed. I laid there pouring out my heart to God about all the ways I feel I never do enough, or am enough, for all the people in my life that depend on me. The list was long. The tears continued to flow as I felt God telling me, “You are enough in ME!” I laid there and repeated out loud, “I am enough in Christ.” I kept repeating that truth until my heart believed it enough to regroup. I asked God what I was supposed to do, and together we came up with a list of priorities for today. They were not what I had originally set out to do, but they were what I knew were most important and needed right now. This open and personal relationship with Jesus is what keeps me going day to day. He has been my comfort and strength since I was a little girl. As I cried out to Him today, I was reminded about the times He showed up in the dark corners of my closet to comfort my young lonely heart. I would hide in my closet behind the clothes so no one would find me crying.  During those dark lonely times, I discovered that God is more than just an all-powerful Deity who sits up on His throne, He became my best friend. He is a God who understands our pain and joins us right where we’re at. Today I was feeling like I wasn’t enough. He wrapped His arms around me and reminded me of truth. He gently comforted my weary soul and helped me refocus my priorities. Have you been struggling with feeling like you are never enough? Do you feel like you just can’t do or be all that is expected of you? Maybe it’s time to crawl into a tub, let those tears fall, and let God wrap His arms around you too! He wants to be your best friend, your comfort and your Truth whisperer!

“We have a high priest who can feel it when we are weak and hurting. We have a high priest who has been tempted in every way, just as we are. But he did not sin. So let us boldly approach God’s throne of grace. Then we will receive mercy. We will find grace to help us when we need it.” Hebrews 4:15-16 (NIRV)

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Life’s NOT Fair!

Posted on by Ginger

Yesterday was our semi-weekly visit over to the West Coast of Florida for our in-office Lyme treatments. Our normal 3 hour drive ended up taking closer to 4 hours, between dealing with traffic and frequent potty stops. It’s quite the trek ,but I really enjoy the time with my kids in the car. We love singing through our favorite soundtracks and the  time in the car provides opportunity for invaluable conversations. The drive home almost always includes a shared appraisal of the gorgeous colors painted across the sky as the sun sets. In a world that is constantly bombarding us with more and more to do, and less time to simply “be” together, these trips are becoming treasured moments with my kiddos. But not everything about these trips is fun and games…

When we got to the medical center yesterday my 9 year old started to panic about getting her IV placed for her UBI (Ultraviolet Blood Irradiation) treatment. She has Asperger’s which affects her ability to regulate emotions and any change in routine greatly increases her anxiety. She has always been the second one in our family to get her IV placed, but yesterday they wanted to do her IV first. This just about caused her to have a complete melt down. I went ahead and had them place my IV first, and then sat her on my lap to calm her down. “Why do I even have to get an IV? Why don’t the other girls have to get UBI? It isn’t fair….” and on she went. I was calmly reminding her that she needs it to fight her Lyme, but she just continued to work herself up with all the ways it was so unfair. It was at this point that I was likely deemed a very uncaring mom by everyone else in the IV room. (I honestly didn’t look around for their reactions because I wasn’t parenting for their approval.) I firmly told her to look at me. When her eyes finally locked into mine I told her directly-

“You are right, it’s NOT fair. Life is NOT fair. It will NEVER be fair! But that is why we have to look for the good things, the positives that we have.”

It may seem harsh to tell a nine year old that life will ALWAYS be unfair. It certainly goes against our current culture that wants to make everyone a winner and not cause discomfort or distress for anyone. But it won’t help my child to teach her anything but the truth. LIFE IS NOT FAIR! But that doesn’t mean that life is not good or beautiful. If we live life always looking for it to be fair, we will always be disappointed. But if we understand that life can be both unfair and blessed, we can focus our attention on looking for the blessings. She calmed down as we discussed how she would likely get over her respiratory infection faster because of the UBI. And how blessed we were that God answered our prayers by allowing Mr. Frank to be working. Mr. Frank is phenomenal at placing IVs! I helped support her arm, and counted as she attempted to deep breathe (she needs more work at this), and within seconds her IV was in and her treatment was started. My little guy was a trooper when it came time to start his IV, and within minutes they were both quietly playing their Kindles while their UBI treatments were underway.  

They hooked up my IV with a Meyer’s Cocktail followed by a hydrogen peroxide treatment. I usually only do IV treatments about once a month, because our first priority is making sure the kid’s treatments are financially covered. Last month we got word that each of our children received a grant from the Lyme Light Foundation, to help cover their supplements and treatments for the next few months. This is a HUGE help! In September we also had an anonymous giver offer to do a matching gift up to $3700 for all funds raised during the month. Thanks to SO many generous donations we raised the full matching gift amount! I can’t even begin to tell you how overwhelmed with gratitude both my husband and I were at the loving generosity showered on our family. We were not only able to get the sauna we had been needing for over two years, but now I am able to get treatments twice a month as well. The cost of supplements and medications for a family of 6 with Lyme is crazy high, and that is before we add in any in-office treatments, lab work or extra doctor appointments. It would be so easy to look at the financial burden of treating a family with Lyme and think about how unfair it is. It’s unfair that all four of my children contracted congenital Lyme! But I can’t even type those words without reading the “blessings between the lines”- I have four children! I am so beyond blessed to be their mommy! So many women with chronic Lyme struggle with infertility and multiple miscarriages. We miraculously have had 5 children, and were allowed to keep and raise 4 here on earth! And we have certainly seen God show up in BIG ways to provide through the love and generosity of so many amazing people. My blessings far surpass the inequitable circumstances in my life!!!

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” 

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:8 & 19 (NIV)

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Worn and Weak

Posted on by Ginger

It’s Day 4 of my liquid fast and I am starting to feel the detox effects, mainly fatigue. I also got way too busy today and ended up waiting WAY too long to drink my 3rd meal! As I sit here in the peace and quiet, after tucking the kids in bed, I feel aches and pains creeping up on me. I have often heard that as your body detoxes and heals it will bring up “old” pains to heal. The strangest “side effect” is an added dose of emotions. I have felt almost on the verge of tears a few times today, with no explainable cause. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I believe we are not just physical beings, but a complex triad of mind, body and spirit. We cannot affect one without it impacting the others. This is the main reason I selected a couple passages of scripture to be a vital part of my 40 Day Fast. I wanted my journey to not only nourish my body, but nurture my mind and spirit as well.

I have long loved the scriptures in the book of Isaiah. So when I read through chapter 40 and saw it was all about comforting God’s people, I knew it was perfect for this time. I feel like a child safe in her Father’s arms when I read-

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms  and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” (Isaiah 40:11 NIV)

Such gentle kindness spoken in those verses. They are like soothing balm to this weary mother’s heart. As I continue reading I am reminded that there is none like our God. He is so powerful and able to do so much more than we can even fathom. Then as a final encouragement the chapter concludes with some of my favorite scriptures-

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:29-31 NIV)

I love that I have a heavenly Father who is so aware of my fragile humanity, and is ready and willing to hold me together and lift me up in HIS strength. Isn’t that comforting? I don’t have to be Super Woman for God!!! I can simply be His little girl in need of His big arms and strong hugs! Tonight while most people are out all dressed up and enjoying a feast of candy, I am laying down my cape and removing my mask. I am allowing myself and all my weariness to be seen by the One who knows me best! It feels good to just be me! Psalm 40 is the other passage of scripture I am meditating on during this time, and the first couple verses best express how I feel as I lay my soul bare before my Creator.

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” (Psalm 40:1-2 NIV)

Life can feel like standing in the ocean while the waves knock us side to side and lap away the ground beneath our feet (it’s exhausting), but God is my firm rock! I can be worn and weak, but firmly and securely planted in His love!!! So tonight as I sign off my computer and go tuck my sore and tired body into bed, I am curling up in His love and allowing Him to renew my strength for tomorrow! Do you need to do the same? Are you weary too? His lap is big enough for us all, and His arms know no bounds they cannot reach! Sleep well my friend. Sweet Dreams in Jesus!!!