Live Well, Love Well

I wrote a beautiful post. It was all about how we discovered toxic mold in our home and my mom’s diagnosis of PSP (Progressive Supranuclear Palsy) in this strange dueling dance over the past two years. It spoke of Thanksgiving and being thankful for how far we have come in rehabbing our home, while grieving that each holiday could be my mother’s last. I poured out my heart… and then I woke up! I had written the whole thing in my dreams. That’s how much you all have been on my mind, I am literally dreaming about writing to you!

I have been pushing myself hard the past couple weeks with this idea of what I wanted this year’s Thanksgiving to be like. I wanted it to be perfect. This very well could be my mom’s last Thanksgiving and I wanted it to be everything she would want it to be. She always kept a spic and span home, with everything organized perfectly. I on the other hand, have been living with construction going on for two years. We have been without counters and a kitchen sink for close to the same time. Organized doesn’t exactly describe my home! I was pushing hard to get the kitchen done and the clutter cleared, but alas I failed. I did, however, get the large counter tiled and ready to grout. It was progress! And as I am learning, progress is better than perfection.

I woke super early on Thursday to start cooking. The house was quiet. And as I thought about what would really matter to my mother, I knew it had nothing to do with the condition of my house. She would enjoy being with her grandkids while relaxing in our home. She would enjoy eating some of her favorite holiday dishes. She would love watching a Christmas movie and hearing the kid’s laughter over it. We could make her day a little extra special, by helping her get a nice long hot shower (not something she gets to enjoy in the nursing facility as often as she would like) and giving her a haircut. As I looked around at the messes here and there, I knew I hadn’t failed. I had done my best. And I would do my best all day to love my mom well and make her Thanksgiving wonderful!

I have been pushing so hard each day that by night time my body is screaming in pain. I haven’t been pausing long enough to do the things that help. My feet ached as I darted back and forth cooking in the kitchen. It actually brought a smile to my face as I whispered, “Thank you Lord for pain, it means I am living!” I am mothering four children. I am tiling a kitchen. I am cleaning my home. I am living! Life is precious. We need to be living each day to the fullest, and not simply existing. It’s too short! As we enter the holiday season, knowing it could be my mother’s last, this message seems to be imprinting itself deep into my heart. Life is crazy, and it seems to get crazier around the holidays. I don’t want to let the hussle and bussle of life dictate my days. I want to live intentionally and with purpose. I want to be mothering with intention. I want to be loving those around me well and letting them know how thankful I am for their presence in my life. What about you? Are you living? Or simply existing? Do you feel pain in your body? It means your heart is still beating and you have another day to live well! I hope you had a beautiful Thanksgiving. And I hope this is the beginning of a purposeful holiday season for you!

“Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.
He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!”

Psalm 103:1-5 (NLT)