*This post is in honor of my mother who flew into the arms of Jesus on August 10th, 2019.*
It’s been quite a while since I last posted on my blog. A lot has happened and I look forward to sharing in the upcoming months what I have been learning. I have long believed that we must heal on all three levels- mind, body and spirit, in order to fully heal. But these last few years have solidified this belief for me in ways I could not imagine. Less than two weeks ago, I stood beside my mother’s grave as they lowered her casket. She suffered the past few years from a Parkinsonian disease called Progressive Supranuclear Palsy(PSP). It’s a horrible disease that traps you in your body while your mind is still functional. There are no medications or cures. Unlike most Parkinsonian disorders, PSP does not afford you much time. The digression is rapid and lifespan after onset is typically 5-8 years. My mother was diagnosed late in the disease, but we estimate that she lived about 6 years after the initial symptoms began. My mother’s life, especially these last few years, have played a huge part in me learning the importance of not ignoring the fact that we are indeed a triune being. The health of our mind impacts our body as much as our spirit. You cannot work to heal two parts and ignore the third. The one left out will surely impede the healing of the other two. At the same time, as we bring health to one part we will begin to see the overflow of healing on the other parts of ourselves. My mother was mentally ill long before a physical illness took over her body. We believe that her mental illness played a key role in bringing on the PSP. As her children we felt the impact of a broken mind, body and spirit more than anyone else. We grieved over a mother lost, long before a disease threatened to steal her last breath.
In this last year, as she declined and we knew death was just around the corner, I spent a lot of time at her bedside wondering what my healthy and whole mother would say to me. What loving message would she want to impart to her children? With each visit, the need to be her voice and speak for her grew within me. I prayed for wisdom and the right words. Then one morning, a couple months before she took her last breath, I woke with the words I felt God wanted me to share with my family. I read these words with love on the day of her funeral. I wanted to honor my mother, by being her voice (her whole and healthy voice). I have since realized that it is a message not just for my family. So after many requests, I am going to share what I wrote (for a private few) with all of you. This is not refined. This is just raw honest love and hope offered up in a moment of grief. This is the message I felt my mother wanted me to share with my siblings- her children. Here is part of my very non-traditional eulogy…
“Our mama has flown home to Jesus. For the first time in her life she is free. She is healed and whole physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Heaven must be so glorious for her. I believe if she could speak to us now she would tell us to take care of our baggage. You see our pasts are like baggage that we drag around with us. We have all heard that before. Mom wanted to be a better mom and create a better home than the one she grew up with, and she did that in many ways. But mom walked around with so much baggage that it got in the way of her journey and doing the things she really wanted to do. She got to the airport and never checked her bags.
If you are carrying your bags around the airport it slows you down. You can’t get where you are going very fast. And you can’t load the plane with baggage- it has to be checked. You are allowed a carry-on. Those are the treasures we keep with us so they don’t get lost. The cherished memories that help us be the people we are meant to be or basic things that help us function fully. Those are the intended items for our carry-on. If we stuff our carry-on full of junk we get on the plane and we don’t have what we need to enjoy the flight. But our big old baggage is not allowed as carry-ons. We can pretend we don’t have baggage and we can wander under the weight of it through the airport never going anywhere. Never flying. We can try to abandon it, but as we all know- an unattended bag becomes a threat to everyone. It’s interesting to see how some people try to pack their stuff into really pretty fancy bags, trying to make it look better. They may even brag about how nice their baggage is. But if they don’t check their bags, they still can’t fly. Others decide to sit in the middle of the airport and set up camp with their baggage. They unpack everything and just sit there with it. Making themselves at home in the middle of all their junk from their baggage. They can even often find a community to join where others have set up camp with their baggage too. It may seem comfortable and friendly, but none of them are flying. Together they are stuck at the airport going nowhere. The only way to fly is to check your bags. You have to acknowledge you have them. You have to weigh and measure. Sometimes you have to pull stuff out and toss it. Sometimes you find a treasure you decide to tuck into your carry-on. But you have to check those bags in order to get on that plane. And before you think that your baggage is your own and nobody else’s business. And what you want to do with your baggage is personal because it only impacts your flight plans. Think again! As a mom, if I don’t deal with my baggage it impacts my whole family. My family either has to fly without me or I trap them in the airport with me. I know not all of us are parents, but trust me when I say that it impacts your spouse and anyone else who is close to you. We can often pile our baggage on the ones we love most.
Mom has finally flown. She can see how much baggage she left behind on each of us and she can see all the baggage we each have packed over the years. And I know she would first say- I am sorry I left so much baggage piled on each of you. I am sorry I grounded so many of your flights growing up because I couldn’t check my baggage. And I am sorry you have to learn to fly without me, because I wasn’t able to fly with you. Then she would say- You were made to fly my dear children! You were made to soar! So stop dragging those bags around, don’t try to camp with them. Take those bags straight to the counter where Jesus is ready to help you weigh and measure each bag. He is ready to check your bags for you. Are you ready to let Him? Your itinerary may involve stops where you have to re-check those bags over and over. Don’t get stuck along the way- keep checking your bags. Fly my children and LIVE! Live the life I never could. Don’t wait like me until you die. Teach your children how to check their bags so they can fly! Teach your grandchildren to fly! It’s time we step away from a history of being grounded and discover the joy of soaring! And when you soar and you hear laughter in the wind, that’s me. That’s me enjoying the wholeness and healing I have found, and joining in the joy of your flight! I love you my dear children! ~ Your Whole and Healthy Mama”
Those words are very personal to me, but I know that they are not personalized. Baggage is something that is universal- we all deal with it, or we don’t. I don’t know where on your healing journey you find yourself right now, but I am willing to bet that there might be some baggage that needs to be checked. It seems like an ongoing part of continuing on this adventure we call life. We constantly need to stop, weigh, measure, and hand over the baggage we collect to Jesus. We cannot heal on our own… no matter how many great tools we have in our bags. We need Jesus to handle the baggage or we will find ourselves grounded, going nowhere. I am praying for you as you take your next step in healing, that you will find the courage to check your bags and take flight!
Until next time, keep fighting the current ~ Ginger
