Author: Ginger

Setbacks and Steps Forward…

Posted on by Ginger

It’s been a long time since I last sat down and wrote a blog post… WAY too long. In the coming months I hope to share more and fill in the gaps from the past few years. A lot has happened.

Tonight I sit at the table writing as soup simmers on the stovetop. The kids just came in from doing farm chores. The laundry piles are larger than I would like, and the house is not perfectly tidy. But life is good.

Last year we had a temporary set back after we had a leak in our basement. We found mold. We sealed the area off. We put on our hazmat suits and masks. We ripped out every last piece that had mold on it and disposed of it safely. We did all the things to make sure that we weren’t spreading it or exposing ourselves recklessly to it. Still… I had a flare up.

Years ago I had fought hard, changed my diet, used anti-inflammatory herbs and successfully put my ankylosing spondylitis into remission. I actually had started to doubt the diagnoses was even correct. Until last April. After working in the basement the pain came back like a haunting ghost from the past. I was waking in the middle of the night in tears.I was dreading bedtime because I knew the pain was coming. Migraines started to plague my days aggravated by the pain in my spine.

It can be really tempting in those moments of setbacks to feel like all the hard work and progress is gone. But this is the moment to stop and breathe. Remember. Assess. Breathe deeply again. And then proceed.

I told myself that if I could put it into remission once then I could do it again. I took time to look up recent research on diets that were proven to help ankylosing spondylitis. There’s actually way more on that now than when I was first diagnosed. Most people are finding a low-starch diet to be beneficial. I knew I had to reduce my sugar intake. It’s so easy to slowly start adding it back into your diet- a little here, a little there. I did really well for a bit and then birthday season hit our home. It’s always my season of eating too much sugar. That gluten free cheesecake is. just. so. good! But I digress…

I started supporting my liver. I talked with my doctor about adjusting my dose of LDN (low dose naltrexone- more on this topic to come). I changed my pillow. I scheduled regular chiropractic adjustments to keep mobility. I scheduled in more rest and increased my nutrition. I did the things I did before and a few I had learned in recent years.

It’s just over a year since it flared up, and I would say I am 90% of the way into remission. The pain is way less in both intensity and frequency. Last time it took me at least 3 years to go into remission. What’s the lesson? Don’t give up. Don’t turn to fatalistic thoughts when things regress. These can be momentary setbacks. We get to choose if we will allow it to cause us to give up, or if we will take what we have learned and press forward.

I know that everyone is different. Not all chronic illnesses can be put into remission.But our bodies are amazing at healing and repairing themselves with the right support. It does require determination and sacrifice (I’m looking at you cheesecake). But health can be reclaimed. We CAN manage the conditions we battle instead of them managing us. They may never be completely removed from our life. I will always have to eat gluten free, and my body does way better on low to no sugar. I may have to always take supportive supplements. But I am living my life and doing things I enjoy- including a rare piece of cheesecake!

One day at a time. Don’t give up!

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9 (ESV)

Made to Fly

Made to Fly

Posted on by Ginger

*This post is in honor of my mother who flew into the arms of Jesus on August 10th, 2019.*

It’s been quite a while since I last posted on my blog. A lot has happened and I look forward to sharing in the upcoming months what I have been learning. I have long believed that we must heal on all three levels- mind, body and spirit, in order to fully heal. But these last few years have solidified this belief for me in ways I could not imagine. Less than two weeks ago, I stood beside my mother’s grave as they lowered her casket. She suffered the past few years from a Parkinsonian disease called Progressive Supranuclear Palsy(PSP). It’s a horrible disease that traps you in your body while your mind is still functional. There are no medications or cures. Unlike most Parkinsonian disorders, PSP does not afford you much time. The digression is rapid and lifespan after onset is typically 5-8 years. My mother was diagnosed late in the disease, but we estimate that she lived about 6 years after the initial symptoms began. My mother’s life, especially these last few years, have played a huge part in me learning the importance of not ignoring the fact that we are indeed a triune being. The health of our mind impacts our body as much as our spirit. You cannot work to heal two parts and ignore the third. The one left out will surely impede the healing of the other two. At the same time, as we bring health to one part we will begin to see the overflow of healing on the other parts of ourselves. My mother was mentally ill long before a physical illness took over her body. We believe that her mental illness played a key role in bringing on the PSP. As her children we felt the impact of a broken mind, body and spirit more than anyone else. We grieved over a mother lost, long before a disease threatened to steal her last breath.

We learned to cherish every hug and savor every “I love you.”

In this last year, as she declined and we knew death was just around the corner, I spent a lot of time at her bedside wondering what my healthy and whole mother would say to me. What loving message would she want to impart to her children? With each visit, the need to be her voice and speak for her grew within me. I prayed for wisdom and the right words. Then one morning, a couple months before she took her last breath, I woke with the words I felt God wanted me to share with my family. I read these words with love on the day of her funeral. I wanted to honor my mother, by being her voice (her whole and healthy voice). I have since realized that it is a message not just for my family. So after many requests, I am going to share what I wrote (for a private few) with all of you. This is not refined. This is just raw honest love and hope offered up in a moment of grief. This is the message I felt my mother wanted me to share with my siblings- her children. Here is part of my very non-traditional eulogy…

“Our mama has flown home to Jesus. For the first time in her life she is free. She is healed and whole physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Heaven must be so glorious for her. I believe if she could speak to us now she would tell us to take care of our baggage. You see our pasts are like baggage that we drag around with us. We have all heard that before. Mom wanted to be a better mom and create a better home than the one she grew up with, and she did that in many ways. But mom walked around with so much baggage that it got in the way of her journey and doing the things she really wanted to do. She got to the airport and never checked her bags.

“The only way to fly is to check your bags.”

 If you are carrying your bags around the airport it slows you down. You can’t get where you are going very fast. And you can’t load the plane with baggage- it has to be checked. You are allowed a carry-on. Those are the treasures we keep with us so they don’t get lost. The cherished memories that help us be the people we are meant to be or basic things that help us function fully. Those are the intended items for our carry-on. If we stuff our carry-on full of junk we get on the plane and we don’t have what we need to enjoy the flight. But our big old baggage is not allowed as carry-ons. We can pretend we don’t have baggage and we can wander under the weight of it through the airport never going anywhere. Never flying. We can try to abandon it, but as we all know- an unattended bag becomes a threat to everyone. It’s interesting to see how some people try to pack their stuff into really pretty fancy bags, trying to make it look better. They may even brag about how nice their baggage is. But if they don’t check their bags, they still can’t fly. Others decide to sit in the middle of the airport and set up camp with their baggage. They unpack everything and just sit there with it. Making themselves at home in the middle of all their junk from their baggage. They can even often find a community to join where others have set up camp with their baggage too. It may seem comfortable and friendly, but none of them are flying. Together they are stuck at the airport going nowhere. The only way to fly is to check your bags. You have to acknowledge you have them. You have to weigh and measure. Sometimes you have to pull stuff out and toss it. Sometimes you find a treasure you decide to tuck into your carry-on. But you have to check those bags in order to get on that plane. And before you think that your baggage is your own and nobody else’s business. And what you want to do with your baggage is personal because it only impacts your flight plans. Think again! As a mom, if I don’t deal with my baggage it impacts my whole family. My family either has to fly without me or I trap them in the airport with me. I know not all of us are parents, but trust me when I say that it impacts your spouse and anyone else who is close to you. We can often pile our baggage on the ones we love most. 

“You were made to fly my dear children!”

Mom has finally flown. She can see how much baggage she left behind on each of us and she can see all the baggage we each have packed over the years. And I know she would first say- I am sorry I left so much baggage piled on each of you. I am sorry I grounded so many of your flights growing up because I couldn’t check my baggage. And I am sorry you have to learn to fly without me, because I wasn’t able to fly with you. Then she would say- You were made to fly my dear children! You were made to soar! So stop dragging those bags around, don’t try to camp with them. Take those bags straight to the counter where Jesus is ready to help you weigh and measure each bag. He is ready to check your bags for you. Are you ready to let Him? Your itinerary may involve stops where you have to re-check those bags over and over. Don’t get stuck along the way- keep checking your bags. Fly my children and LIVE! Live the life I never could. Don’t wait like me until you die. Teach your children how to check their bags so they can fly! Teach your grandchildren to fly! It’s time we step away from a history of being grounded and discover the joy of soaring! And when you soar and you hear laughter in the wind, that’s me. That’s me enjoying the wholeness and healing I have found, and joining in the joy of your flight! I love you my dear children! ~ Your Whole and Healthy Mama”

“…as you take your next step in healing… find the courage to check your bags and take flight!”

Those words are very personal to me, but I know that they are not personalized. Baggage is something that is universal- we all deal with it, or we don’t. I don’t know where on your healing journey you find yourself right now, but I am willing to bet that there might be some baggage that needs to be checked. It seems like an ongoing part of continuing on this adventure we call life. We constantly need to stop, weigh, measure, and hand over the baggage we collect to Jesus. We cannot heal on our own… no matter how many great tools we have in our bags. We need Jesus to handle the baggage or we will find ourselves grounded, going nowhere. I am praying for you as you take your next step in healing, that you will find the courage to check your bags and take flight! 

Until next time, keep fighting the current ~ Ginger

Facing Limitations

Facing Limitations

Posted on by Ginger

I am sorry for leaving the ending of my 40 Day Fast dangling in the air with no conclusion. I finished the last couple days by breaking my water fast. I did one major thing wrong- I introduced things back into my diet way too fast. I was plagued with indigestion and nausea as I overwhelmed my poor digestive system. I have to confess though- I really miss the light healthy feeling I had while on a liquid diet. Beyond my digestive system feeling lighter, I was feeling better all around. Some of these symptoms have stayed away and others have come back as I’ve added more foods back into my diet. But even harder than keeping a healthy diet has been keeping up with proper self-care, especially with the holidays.

My family was all in town to give my mom the best Christmas gift we could all think of- all of her children and grandchildren in one place! Our gathering was a welding of joy and grief as we realized this is likely her last Christmas. I have been spending countless hours trying to get her moved to a better nursing facility without a lot of success. When I was a child, my mother made me promise I wouldn’t put her into a nursing home. “Promise me you will take care of me when I get old. Promise me you won’t just ship me off to a nursing home.” It was ingrained in my brain and imprinted on my heart. I tried. Earlier this year I had her in my home but it was just too much. I couldn’t stay awake 24 hours a day and she needed more care than I could offer. The guilt of placing her in a home has been haunting me ever since. I have found myself trying to figure out a way to get home health aids to help me be able to bring her back home. But the harsh reality I have been avoiding is the frailty of my own health. Being the full time caregiver of a parent is hard enough for someone who has their health, but I would be starting out “behind” and at a definite disadvantage. What would I do if I came down with a 2 day migraine? What would I do on the days my Ankylosing Spondylitis is flaring and pain radiates from my spine? How will I change her and help her in and out of her wheelchair? What will I do when I have to take my children for their Lyme treatments 3 hours away? Who will care for her while we’re gone all day? I can’t simply stop treatments. What about the days where simply showering and making breakfast take every last ounce of energy I have? How will I find the energy to make and spoon feed her 3 meals a day, and clean her up? And what about my children? My illness already robs them of so much, but how much more so, if any energy I have goes to caring for the basic needs of my mom day in and day out?

The battle in my mind went back and forth like an intense chess match, until I finally succumbed to God’s checkmate on my heart. The little girl inside of me wanted to keep her promise, but my heart knew that it was not the right choice for myself or my family… nor for my mother. I had to admit that physically my body simply cannot handle it. I cannot give her the care she needs in my home despite my desire to do so. I had to face that ignoring my physical needs to push myself was not going to prove anything other than my spirit’s need to let go of unearned guilt. I sat down this week and through tears released the little girl in me from the promise she made, so many times, so many years ago. That little girl had no idea she would grow up to have a broken sick body. She had no idea she would have a sick husband who daily battles debilitating pain and needs extra help. That little girl had no idea that she would have four children with serious health issues that would need special attention and care to get better. She had no idea, but I am not a little girl anymore. The “adult me” must face my limitations, and choose well my priorities, for the benefit of all those entrusted to my care. And in granting myself permission to let go of the guilt, I found I was ready to take care of myself again, so I can keep caring for all those I love so much. As I look to the New Year my prayer is that I will live each day with intention, in a way that protects and promotes the things that matter most!

“ No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:13-14 (NLT)

When History Becomes His-Story

When History Becomes His-Story

Posted on by Ginger

I promised to be real and honest with this blog. And without sharing a little about my past you will never understand the significance of the past couple days. So here I go… it’s about to get real and raw.

When I was sixteen I started to struggle with depression. I tried my best to hide if from everyone. But it grew in it’s complexity and soon I started cutting. Nothing too severe that it would be obvious, but it was my progression into a very dark and suicidal thought process. When my parents found out they responded in fear, and much to their later regret, told me that if I would just “get my faith in order” my depression would go away. That was followed by all sorts of threats of consequences if I didn’t pull myself together.

Truth was that my faith was not wavering. I spent more hours in prayer asking God to fix me and wondering what I had done wrong. Instead of getting help, I got better at hiding my struggle. And over the next couple years I developed an eating disorder. I thought at first that it was bulimia, as I would binge on foods that would make me sick, followed by fasting and laxatives. But years later, as I confronted my issue with a nutritionist, I discovered that my binge days were less than a 1000 calories. I was starving and purging myself. Most people think that eating disorders are mainly about poor body image, but the truth is that it is usually more about control and self hatred. My eating disorder was my slow suicide. It would take me until I was 20 to get the help I so desperately needed.

I will never forget walking through the doors of Loma Linda’s Behavioral Health Unit, and hearing them lock behind me. With that step, I let go of all pride and every attempt to please those around me, and I begged the doctors for help. God would send amazing nurses and therapists to pray over me and guide me in my healing process. But it would be another year before I would get serious about dealing with my eating disorder. For anyone who struggles with severe depression and daily suicidal ideations- there is hope and healing! It was several months of intense therapy before I had my first day where I didn’t consider suicide. And then it was a week, that soon turned into months, where I experienced freedom from the darkness that had haunted me. It was a lot of work and hard honesty, but it was so worth it. I had to be on anti-depressants on and off for several years. I never expected my eating disorder to raise it’s ugly head when I got pregnant, but it did. I also struggled with post-partum depression after a couple of my children’s births. When I start to feel myself slipping into that dark pit, I immediately seek out help. I have learned there is no shame in seeking help. We live in weak bodies that do not always function as they should. A weak physical body does not equal a weak faith! When I sought out help for my eating disorder I knew it was best to abstain from fasting. I knew it had the potential to drag me back into my old disordered eating patterns and thinking. So in the past 15 years if I have wanted to “fast” for spiritual reasons, I would simply select one food that I would fast from. I knew God understood my heart and would honor that I was treating my body with love and respect.

Fast forward to October of this year when I first started thinking about doing my 40 Day Liquid Fast. A liquid diet for 40 days! I knew it had the potential to bring up old issues. So I gathered a group of women to pray over me and check in on my progress. These are women I feel safe with and can be completely honest about my struggles. I have sought each day to listen to my body and it’s needs, rather than dictating a pre-planned diet. The purpose of my fast was health and healing, not restriction and rules. I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to be at a point in my healing journey that I could do this with real love and honor for my body. My thought process throughout this fast has been one of care and concern for this failing body of mine that has been through so much. Prioritizing my health has been a challenge since day one, but I am learning how to be gentle with myself. I have asked my body- what do you need right now? That has changed from day to day, and even from morning to afternoon. Then about halfway through the liquid fast the idea of doing a water fast came up. The benefits were clear from my research. I wondered if I could do it. How would I handle it emotionally? Would my body do okay? Would I be able to listen to my body closely enough so I wouldn’t cross the line of healthy fasting into starvation?

Day one I felt fine, I wasn’t hungry and everything was pretty much normal. Mentally I felt good and was thankful for the love I felt toward my body. Day two I felt fine until I took a hot shower. Your blood pressure naturally lowers during fasting to conserve energy and my hot shower must have dropped it further. I felt a little light headed the rest of the day. I was still able to enjoy a fun family evening with the kids. Day three the fatigue set in and although I had a long “to-do” list for the day, I had to practice gentleness and slow down. I know my body is doing a lot of healing and regenerating work during a fast, so the fatigue is normal. I went to bed with a slight headache and woke in the middle of the night with a migraine (something I am all too familiar with). I got up this morning on day four and immediately did a coffee enema in hopes of halting the debilitating migraine. It took the majority of the pain away along with the nausea and floaters. But I still had this knot in my upper back (also quite common) that was threatening a recurrence. I fought off the guilt monster and finally gave in to what my body had been begging for- rest! I curled up in a dark room with a heating pad and ice pack. There were plenty of leftovers in the fridge for my husband to feed the kids- they would survive without me for a few hours. Construction projects have halted, paperwork piles sit, and the rest of life will just have to wait. I am giving myself permission to pause and take care of my body. This body that, despite still having more than 20 extra pounds on it, I have been learning to love. This body that I am choosing to praise God for! It is an imperfect and broken body, but it is the one God gave me. With it I live on this earth to do His will, for His glory. So I better take good care of it! I am tempted to run around trying to do more and more, and yet I hear His voice calling- “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28 NIV) Sometimes doing the will of God is simply a matter of stopping, being still and resting in Him! So I am praising God for how He has transformed my history into His Story of healing in my life, and I am choosing rest and love today.

“I lie down and sleep. I wake up again, because the Lord takes care of me.” Psalm 3:5 (NIRV)

Water Fasting

Water Fasting

Posted on by Ginger

What’s for dinner… water! Lots of water!!! After reading some impressive research articles on the benefits of water fasting I decided to try a 3-5 day water fast. I will include a couple great links in the resources section below. Today is day one for me! I really wanted to start right after Thanksgiving, but you aren’t supposed to do it during high stress or when you are physically pushing yourself. I kept waiting for the stress of life to let up! Oy! I finally decided that if I didn’t “make it a good time” it would never happen. It was yet another reminder of how important it is to prioritize my health and take care of myself. (Something that even after 34 days on my liquid fast is still my greatest challenge!) So far today has been relatively easy. I think having been on a liquid diet for over 30 days was a great way to prepare my body for the fast! We will see how the next couple days go. I have not set a definite length of time for the water fast, instead I am listening to my body. As the author stated in an article on  allaboutfasting.com– “No matter how long you had intended to fast, true hunger is the trigger to end a fast. Among water fasters, the term “true hunger” is used to denote the body’s request to end the fast and begin taking food. To deny food when true hunger has signaled is to begin the act of starvation.” The article goes on to describe what “true hunger” is and how to listen to your body. My goal is not to starve myself by setting a predetermined fasting time, but rather to allow water fasting to trigger my body’s ability to rebuild my immune system and cell regeneration. I am trying to focus on rest while still working on my home and preparing for the Christmas season. I am using this time to practice gentleness with myself. As I do so, I am praying about what the next step will be for me. I am trusting God will provide light for each step I need to take as I continue this healing journey!

“The Lord is my shepherd. He gives me everything I need.
He lets me lie down in fields of green grass.
He leads me beside quiet waters. He gives me new strength.
He guides me in the right paths for the honor of his name.”

Psalm 23:1-3

Resources:

Live Well, Love Well

Live Well, Love Well

Posted on by Ginger

I wrote a beautiful post. It was all about how we discovered toxic mold in our home and my mom’s diagnosis of PSP (Progressive Supranuclear Palsy) in this strange dueling dance over the past two years. It spoke of Thanksgiving and being thankful for how far we have come in rehabbing our home, while grieving that each holiday could be my mother’s last. I poured out my heart… and then I woke up! I had written the whole thing in my dreams. That’s how much you all have been on my mind, I am literally dreaming about writing to you!

I have been pushing myself hard the past couple weeks with this idea of what I wanted this year’s Thanksgiving to be like. I wanted it to be perfect. This very well could be my mom’s last Thanksgiving and I wanted it to be everything she would want it to be. She always kept a spic and span home, with everything organized perfectly. I on the other hand, have been living with construction going on for two years. We have been without counters and a kitchen sink for close to the same time. Organized doesn’t exactly describe my home! I was pushing hard to get the kitchen done and the clutter cleared, but alas I failed. I did, however, get the large counter tiled and ready to grout. It was progress! And as I am learning, progress is better than perfection.

I woke super early on Thursday to start cooking. The house was quiet. And as I thought about what would really matter to my mother, I knew it had nothing to do with the condition of my house. She would enjoy being with her grandkids while relaxing in our home. She would enjoy eating some of her favorite holiday dishes. She would love watching a Christmas movie and hearing the kid’s laughter over it. We could make her day a little extra special, by helping her get a nice long hot shower (not something she gets to enjoy in the nursing facility as often as she would like) and giving her a haircut. As I looked around at the messes here and there, I knew I hadn’t failed. I had done my best. And I would do my best all day to love my mom well and make her Thanksgiving wonderful!

I have been pushing so hard each day that by night time my body is screaming in pain. I haven’t been pausing long enough to do the things that help. My feet ached as I darted back and forth cooking in the kitchen. It actually brought a smile to my face as I whispered, “Thank you Lord for pain, it means I am living!” I am mothering four children. I am tiling a kitchen. I am cleaning my home. I am living! Life is precious. We need to be living each day to the fullest, and not simply existing. It’s too short! As we enter the holiday season, knowing it could be my mother’s last, this message seems to be imprinting itself deep into my heart. Life is crazy, and it seems to get crazier around the holidays. I don’t want to let the hussle and bussle of life dictate my days. I want to live intentionally and with purpose. I want to be mothering with intention. I want to be loving those around me well and letting them know how thankful I am for their presence in my life. What about you? Are you living? Or simply existing? Do you feel pain in your body? It means your heart is still beating and you have another day to live well! I hope you had a beautiful Thanksgiving. And I hope this is the beginning of a purposeful holiday season for you!

“Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.
He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!”

Psalm 103:1-5 (NLT)

 

Choking Down Liquid Salad

Choking Down Liquid Salad

Posted on by Ginger

You only have to read my post titles to see that dealing with chronic health challenges can be like riding a roller coaster. You have good days that take you up high, followed by crashing low days where everything seems more challenging. I pushed myself hard on Saturday to get some projects accomplished here around the house. It felt good to see progress and check things off my long to-do list. But the last two mornings I have felt the “pain of accomplishment” as I’ve tried to move my body out of bed. Yesterday, I pushed through the pain to get the kids and I to church on time and enjoyed being able to worship with my church family. (BTW- The “on time” part is a huge accomplishment on any Sunday morning!) It’s important to realize that a down day physically doesn’t necessarily mean a down day mentally. I have many days that I drag my body around like a wet blanket, but my spirit is lifted. If you ask me how I am doing on one of these days, I will likely hesitate before answering, trying to decide whether to be honest about the physical pain or just share the positive spirit. Most likely I will settle on a generic answer that keeps the mood light. It’s easier that way.

I am noticing a trend with my “bad days.” Besides the fact that they are almost always after a day I have pushed myself to the limit, they are also days that I don’t take the time to do as much “self-care.” Taking the time to do self-care is tough! It’s so easy to tell my friends how important it is to take care of themselves and create space to do things that will boost their own health. It’s a whole other thing to actually put those words into practice in my own life. I have a friend who recently posted a picture of herself with the workout video she was doing in the background. She labeled her post with the word “Effort.” I love it! She was making the effort to take care of herself and workout. Just finding the energy and time to make an effort some days is REALLY hard! Her simple post was both inspiring and challenging. It reminded me that self-care isn’t about perfection but simply making the effort. Some days we may not have a lot of “accomplishments” to celebrate but we have made a lot of effort. We need to celebrate the effort! On the days we don’t even make the effort we need to gently ask ourselves why? We may be surprised by the answers that this simple question can yield. Yesterday I made very little effort to implement good self-care. Why? Lack of time… lack of energy… lack of good prioritizing. I offered myself grace while also realizing I needed to make some adjustments to my priorities. I realized that some things I don’t prioritize simply because I honestly don’t enjoy doing them, despite their benefits. Without meaning to, I made the perfect analogy yesterday for lunch!

For whatever reason, I really wanted a big crunchy salad. I wanted colorful peppers, crisp cucumbers and sweet tomatoes on top of a big bed of Romaine lettuce. It was a very healthy craving, but I am still on my liquid fast. So I decided I would try to make myself a “liquid” salad. I should have stopped there. It sounds disgusting and the result was equally so. I poured this horrible looking mixture into my glass and tried to choke it down. (I am saving your appetite by not posting a picture of the actual smoothie. My “dream salad” picture is much better!) I tried to salt my “salad” but that did very little to help. A large dose of apple cider vinegar helped more than I expected, but it was still not enjoyable. The worst part- I made a full Vitamix container of it! Oy! And the kicker- it’s actually one of the most healthy smoothies I’ve ever made! It’s chock full of healthy organic veggies! There’s a lot of “goodness” in that nastiness. So I sat down and drank it. My kids all watched my face as I tried to make the experience look pleasant. I failed. They could all tell it was NOT good. I used the moment to teach them that even mommies have to do and eat things that they don’t like sometimes because it’s good for them. But the lesson hit home most in my own heart. I was drinking it because I didn’t want to waste all those good ingredients. I knew that it was incredibly nourishing despite the unpleasant flavor. How many good days have I “wasted” because I don’t enjoy the treatments that help me feel well and function at my best? I don’t enjoy the coffee enemas (who does?) but the days I do them I notice a HUGE difference. I don’t like the mistletoe shots I have to give myself, but they are stimulating my immune system. I could go on and on with the treatments I don’t like, yet I know are making a big difference in my ability to function. I get anxious taking time for treatments for myself. The long to-do lists starts to haunt me as I sit quietly contained detoxing in the sauna. But just like my nourishing “liquid salad,” I need to “choke” these things down. I need to discipline myself to do them so I can experience the benefits. What’s your “liquid salad?” What is something you know you will benefit from doing even though it may be unpleasant? Maybe we can encourage one another in our effort to “choke it down!” Here’s to making the effort!!!

Praising God for Shoes!

Posted on by Ginger

Earlier this spring, while volunteering at a small local dairy farm, I had my foot crushed by a cow. After a couple of months of hobbling around on crutches, and relatively little healing, I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS). Basically, it’s an over-firing and miscommunication between your central and peripheral nervous system. This miscommunication causes there to be pain with the slightest touch or sensation to the area affected. Simply having the ceiling fan on and the breeze blowing on my foot was excruciating, and forget taking a shower with the water hitting it. I was able to get in to see a great pain specialist up at the University of Florida who suggested I have a nerve block while doing physical therapy. The only issue was that my insurance wanted to argue my need for physical therapy and I was too tired to put up enough of a fight to get it done. So I limped around in an air boot for a couple more months until I could find a sandal that I could wear without pain. Using my background as a massage therapist I started doing all I could to desensitize the area and improve my range of motion. I was told by my pain specialist that if I couldn’t get the pain to go down that the next step would be spinal cord stimulation via an implanted device.

Ummm… let’s just say that I was a “give birth naturally” girl because the idea of someone touching my spinal cord with a needle FREAKED me out! So I became more than determined to figure out how to heal my foot! I would sit in tears in the tub as I massaged the area as deeply as I could handle. It certainly helped that I had Epsom salt and essential oils in the bath water. I would lightly use the dry brush over the area to help desensitize it even more. I also started using the homeopathic remedy Hypericum Perforatum 30c to treat nerve pain. The remedy was helpful but it didn’t completely relieve the pain or last for more than a few hours, so I increased the strength of the dose. I now take Hypericum Perforatum 200c once a week. My other favorite pain reliever is Curcumin! The newest therapy I am trying out is Red Light Therapy. I just started this about a week ago and plan to write more about it as I progress and have more experience with it.

The pain is not completely gone but I am more than 50% better and my pain specialist is happy with my progress. This week I took the next step in my “home therapy” program and found a pair of shoes I can “practice” wearing. I need to slowly train my body to handle wearing shoes again without misreading the pressure on the foot as pain. I found a pair that I can wear without immediately wanting to cry out in pain! They are slip-ons (no ties) that are the perfect amount of “looseness” and support. I am beyond excited!!! The last two days I have been wearing them with my special orthotic inserts and have been able to handle wearing them for more than 2 hours! This is no small thing. Six months ago I sat with my doctor wondering if I would ever be able to wear a shoe again! The one downside- after wearing the shoes for a couple hours my pain level is much higher. I know I still have a long way to go, and unfortunately I’ve started having pain in my right foot. (Because it’s a nerve problem it’s not uncommon for the CRPS to flare up or “spread” to the opposite appendage.)

Despite the continued pain, I feel confident that God is slowly healing me and trust that He is guiding me as I continue with therapy on both feet. For today, I am praising God that I have been able to wear shoes again! Healing is happening one little step at a time!!!

“Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;

heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.” Psalm 6:2 (NIV)

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