Category: Body

Setbacks and Steps Forward…

Posted on by Ginger

It’s been a long time since I last sat down and wrote a blog post… WAY too long. In the coming months I hope to share more and fill in the gaps from the past few years. A lot has happened.

Tonight I sit at the table writing as soup simmers on the stovetop. The kids just came in from doing farm chores. The laundry piles are larger than I would like, and the house is not perfectly tidy. But life is good.

Last year we had a temporary set back after we had a leak in our basement. We found mold. We sealed the area off. We put on our hazmat suits and masks. We ripped out every last piece that had mold on it and disposed of it safely. We did all the things to make sure that we weren’t spreading it or exposing ourselves recklessly to it. Still… I had a flare up.

Years ago I had fought hard, changed my diet, used anti-inflammatory herbs and successfully put my ankylosing spondylitis into remission. I actually had started to doubt the diagnoses was even correct. Until last April. After working in the basement the pain came back like a haunting ghost from the past. I was waking in the middle of the night in tears.I was dreading bedtime because I knew the pain was coming. Migraines started to plague my days aggravated by the pain in my spine.

It can be really tempting in those moments of setbacks to feel like all the hard work and progress is gone. But this is the moment to stop and breathe. Remember. Assess. Breathe deeply again. And then proceed.

I told myself that if I could put it into remission once then I could do it again. I took time to look up recent research on diets that were proven to help ankylosing spondylitis. There’s actually way more on that now than when I was first diagnosed. Most people are finding a low-starch diet to be beneficial. I knew I had to reduce my sugar intake. It’s so easy to slowly start adding it back into your diet- a little here, a little there. I did really well for a bit and then birthday season hit our home. It’s always my season of eating too much sugar. That gluten free cheesecake is. just. so. good! But I digress…

I started supporting my liver. I talked with my doctor about adjusting my dose of LDN (low dose naltrexone- more on this topic to come). I changed my pillow. I scheduled regular chiropractic adjustments to keep mobility. I scheduled in more rest and increased my nutrition. I did the things I did before and a few I had learned in recent years.

It’s just over a year since it flared up, and I would say I am 90% of the way into remission. The pain is way less in both intensity and frequency. Last time it took me at least 3 years to go into remission. What’s the lesson? Don’t give up. Don’t turn to fatalistic thoughts when things regress. These can be momentary setbacks. We get to choose if we will allow it to cause us to give up, or if we will take what we have learned and press forward.

I know that everyone is different. Not all chronic illnesses can be put into remission.But our bodies are amazing at healing and repairing themselves with the right support. It does require determination and sacrifice (I’m looking at you cheesecake). But health can be reclaimed. We CAN manage the conditions we battle instead of them managing us. They may never be completely removed from our life. I will always have to eat gluten free, and my body does way better on low to no sugar. I may have to always take supportive supplements. But I am living my life and doing things I enjoy- including a rare piece of cheesecake!

One day at a time. Don’t give up!

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9 (ESV)

Facing Limitations

Facing Limitations

Posted on by Ginger

I am sorry for leaving the ending of my 40 Day Fast dangling in the air with no conclusion. I finished the last couple days by breaking my water fast. I did one major thing wrong- I introduced things back into my diet way too fast. I was plagued with indigestion and nausea as I overwhelmed my poor digestive system. I have to confess though- I really miss the light healthy feeling I had while on a liquid diet. Beyond my digestive system feeling lighter, I was feeling better all around. Some of these symptoms have stayed away and others have come back as I’ve added more foods back into my diet. But even harder than keeping a healthy diet has been keeping up with proper self-care, especially with the holidays.

My family was all in town to give my mom the best Christmas gift we could all think of- all of her children and grandchildren in one place! Our gathering was a welding of joy and grief as we realized this is likely her last Christmas. I have been spending countless hours trying to get her moved to a better nursing facility without a lot of success. When I was a child, my mother made me promise I wouldn’t put her into a nursing home. “Promise me you will take care of me when I get old. Promise me you won’t just ship me off to a nursing home.” It was ingrained in my brain and imprinted on my heart. I tried. Earlier this year I had her in my home but it was just too much. I couldn’t stay awake 24 hours a day and she needed more care than I could offer. The guilt of placing her in a home has been haunting me ever since. I have found myself trying to figure out a way to get home health aids to help me be able to bring her back home. But the harsh reality I have been avoiding is the frailty of my own health. Being the full time caregiver of a parent is hard enough for someone who has their health, but I would be starting out “behind” and at a definite disadvantage. What would I do if I came down with a 2 day migraine? What would I do on the days my Ankylosing Spondylitis is flaring and pain radiates from my spine? How will I change her and help her in and out of her wheelchair? What will I do when I have to take my children for their Lyme treatments 3 hours away? Who will care for her while we’re gone all day? I can’t simply stop treatments. What about the days where simply showering and making breakfast take every last ounce of energy I have? How will I find the energy to make and spoon feed her 3 meals a day, and clean her up? And what about my children? My illness already robs them of so much, but how much more so, if any energy I have goes to caring for the basic needs of my mom day in and day out?

The battle in my mind went back and forth like an intense chess match, until I finally succumbed to God’s checkmate on my heart. The little girl inside of me wanted to keep her promise, but my heart knew that it was not the right choice for myself or my family… nor for my mother. I had to admit that physically my body simply cannot handle it. I cannot give her the care she needs in my home despite my desire to do so. I had to face that ignoring my physical needs to push myself was not going to prove anything other than my spirit’s need to let go of unearned guilt. I sat down this week and through tears released the little girl in me from the promise she made, so many times, so many years ago. That little girl had no idea she would grow up to have a broken sick body. She had no idea she would have a sick husband who daily battles debilitating pain and needs extra help. That little girl had no idea that she would have four children with serious health issues that would need special attention and care to get better. She had no idea, but I am not a little girl anymore. The “adult me” must face my limitations, and choose well my priorities, for the benefit of all those entrusted to my care. And in granting myself permission to let go of the guilt, I found I was ready to take care of myself again, so I can keep caring for all those I love so much. As I look to the New Year my prayer is that I will live each day with intention, in a way that protects and promotes the things that matter most!

“ No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:13-14 (NLT)

When History Becomes His-Story

When History Becomes His-Story

Posted on by Ginger

I promised to be real and honest with this blog. And without sharing a little about my past you will never understand the significance of the past couple days. So here I go… it’s about to get real and raw.

When I was sixteen I started to struggle with depression. I tried my best to hide if from everyone. But it grew in it’s complexity and soon I started cutting. Nothing too severe that it would be obvious, but it was my progression into a very dark and suicidal thought process. When my parents found out they responded in fear, and much to their later regret, told me that if I would just “get my faith in order” my depression would go away. That was followed by all sorts of threats of consequences if I didn’t pull myself together.

Truth was that my faith was not wavering. I spent more hours in prayer asking God to fix me and wondering what I had done wrong. Instead of getting help, I got better at hiding my struggle. And over the next couple years I developed an eating disorder. I thought at first that it was bulimia, as I would binge on foods that would make me sick, followed by fasting and laxatives. But years later, as I confronted my issue with a nutritionist, I discovered that my binge days were less than a 1000 calories. I was starving and purging myself. Most people think that eating disorders are mainly about poor body image, but the truth is that it is usually more about control and self hatred. My eating disorder was my slow suicide. It would take me until I was 20 to get the help I so desperately needed.

I will never forget walking through the doors of Loma Linda’s Behavioral Health Unit, and hearing them lock behind me. With that step, I let go of all pride and every attempt to please those around me, and I begged the doctors for help. God would send amazing nurses and therapists to pray over me and guide me in my healing process. But it would be another year before I would get serious about dealing with my eating disorder. For anyone who struggles with severe depression and daily suicidal ideations- there is hope and healing! It was several months of intense therapy before I had my first day where I didn’t consider suicide. And then it was a week, that soon turned into months, where I experienced freedom from the darkness that had haunted me. It was a lot of work and hard honesty, but it was so worth it. I had to be on anti-depressants on and off for several years. I never expected my eating disorder to raise it’s ugly head when I got pregnant, but it did. I also struggled with post-partum depression after a couple of my children’s births. When I start to feel myself slipping into that dark pit, I immediately seek out help. I have learned there is no shame in seeking help. We live in weak bodies that do not always function as they should. A weak physical body does not equal a weak faith! When I sought out help for my eating disorder I knew it was best to abstain from fasting. I knew it had the potential to drag me back into my old disordered eating patterns and thinking. So in the past 15 years if I have wanted to “fast” for spiritual reasons, I would simply select one food that I would fast from. I knew God understood my heart and would honor that I was treating my body with love and respect.

Fast forward to October of this year when I first started thinking about doing my 40 Day Liquid Fast. A liquid diet for 40 days! I knew it had the potential to bring up old issues. So I gathered a group of women to pray over me and check in on my progress. These are women I feel safe with and can be completely honest about my struggles. I have sought each day to listen to my body and it’s needs, rather than dictating a pre-planned diet. The purpose of my fast was health and healing, not restriction and rules. I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to be at a point in my healing journey that I could do this with real love and honor for my body. My thought process throughout this fast has been one of care and concern for this failing body of mine that has been through so much. Prioritizing my health has been a challenge since day one, but I am learning how to be gentle with myself. I have asked my body- what do you need right now? That has changed from day to day, and even from morning to afternoon. Then about halfway through the liquid fast the idea of doing a water fast came up. The benefits were clear from my research. I wondered if I could do it. How would I handle it emotionally? Would my body do okay? Would I be able to listen to my body closely enough so I wouldn’t cross the line of healthy fasting into starvation?

Day one I felt fine, I wasn’t hungry and everything was pretty much normal. Mentally I felt good and was thankful for the love I felt toward my body. Day two I felt fine until I took a hot shower. Your blood pressure naturally lowers during fasting to conserve energy and my hot shower must have dropped it further. I felt a little light headed the rest of the day. I was still able to enjoy a fun family evening with the kids. Day three the fatigue set in and although I had a long “to-do” list for the day, I had to practice gentleness and slow down. I know my body is doing a lot of healing and regenerating work during a fast, so the fatigue is normal. I went to bed with a slight headache and woke in the middle of the night with a migraine (something I am all too familiar with). I got up this morning on day four and immediately did a coffee enema in hopes of halting the debilitating migraine. It took the majority of the pain away along with the nausea and floaters. But I still had this knot in my upper back (also quite common) that was threatening a recurrence. I fought off the guilt monster and finally gave in to what my body had been begging for- rest! I curled up in a dark room with a heating pad and ice pack. There were plenty of leftovers in the fridge for my husband to feed the kids- they would survive without me for a few hours. Construction projects have halted, paperwork piles sit, and the rest of life will just have to wait. I am giving myself permission to pause and take care of my body. This body that, despite still having more than 20 extra pounds on it, I have been learning to love. This body that I am choosing to praise God for! It is an imperfect and broken body, but it is the one God gave me. With it I live on this earth to do His will, for His glory. So I better take good care of it! I am tempted to run around trying to do more and more, and yet I hear His voice calling- “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28 NIV) Sometimes doing the will of God is simply a matter of stopping, being still and resting in Him! So I am praising God for how He has transformed my history into His Story of healing in my life, and I am choosing rest and love today.

“I lie down and sleep. I wake up again, because the Lord takes care of me.” Psalm 3:5 (NIRV)

Water Fasting

Water Fasting

Posted on by Ginger

What’s for dinner… water! Lots of water!!! After reading some impressive research articles on the benefits of water fasting I decided to try a 3-5 day water fast. I will include a couple great links in the resources section below. Today is day one for me! I really wanted to start right after Thanksgiving, but you aren’t supposed to do it during high stress or when you are physically pushing yourself. I kept waiting for the stress of life to let up! Oy! I finally decided that if I didn’t “make it a good time” it would never happen. It was yet another reminder of how important it is to prioritize my health and take care of myself. (Something that even after 34 days on my liquid fast is still my greatest challenge!) So far today has been relatively easy. I think having been on a liquid diet for over 30 days was a great way to prepare my body for the fast! We will see how the next couple days go. I have not set a definite length of time for the water fast, instead I am listening to my body. As the author stated in an article on  allaboutfasting.com– “No matter how long you had intended to fast, true hunger is the trigger to end a fast. Among water fasters, the term “true hunger” is used to denote the body’s request to end the fast and begin taking food. To deny food when true hunger has signaled is to begin the act of starvation.” The article goes on to describe what “true hunger” is and how to listen to your body. My goal is not to starve myself by setting a predetermined fasting time, but rather to allow water fasting to trigger my body’s ability to rebuild my immune system and cell regeneration. I am trying to focus on rest while still working on my home and preparing for the Christmas season. I am using this time to practice gentleness with myself. As I do so, I am praying about what the next step will be for me. I am trusting God will provide light for each step I need to take as I continue this healing journey!

“The Lord is my shepherd. He gives me everything I need.
He lets me lie down in fields of green grass.
He leads me beside quiet waters. He gives me new strength.
He guides me in the right paths for the honor of his name.”

Psalm 23:1-3

Resources:

Choking Down Liquid Salad

Choking Down Liquid Salad

Posted on by Ginger

You only have to read my post titles to see that dealing with chronic health challenges can be like riding a roller coaster. You have good days that take you up high, followed by crashing low days where everything seems more challenging. I pushed myself hard on Saturday to get some projects accomplished here around the house. It felt good to see progress and check things off my long to-do list. But the last two mornings I have felt the “pain of accomplishment” as I’ve tried to move my body out of bed. Yesterday, I pushed through the pain to get the kids and I to church on time and enjoyed being able to worship with my church family. (BTW- The “on time” part is a huge accomplishment on any Sunday morning!) It’s important to realize that a down day physically doesn’t necessarily mean a down day mentally. I have many days that I drag my body around like a wet blanket, but my spirit is lifted. If you ask me how I am doing on one of these days, I will likely hesitate before answering, trying to decide whether to be honest about the physical pain or just share the positive spirit. Most likely I will settle on a generic answer that keeps the mood light. It’s easier that way.

I am noticing a trend with my “bad days.” Besides the fact that they are almost always after a day I have pushed myself to the limit, they are also days that I don’t take the time to do as much “self-care.” Taking the time to do self-care is tough! It’s so easy to tell my friends how important it is to take care of themselves and create space to do things that will boost their own health. It’s a whole other thing to actually put those words into practice in my own life. I have a friend who recently posted a picture of herself with the workout video she was doing in the background. She labeled her post with the word “Effort.” I love it! She was making the effort to take care of herself and workout. Just finding the energy and time to make an effort some days is REALLY hard! Her simple post was both inspiring and challenging. It reminded me that self-care isn’t about perfection but simply making the effort. Some days we may not have a lot of “accomplishments” to celebrate but we have made a lot of effort. We need to celebrate the effort! On the days we don’t even make the effort we need to gently ask ourselves why? We may be surprised by the answers that this simple question can yield. Yesterday I made very little effort to implement good self-care. Why? Lack of time… lack of energy… lack of good prioritizing. I offered myself grace while also realizing I needed to make some adjustments to my priorities. I realized that some things I don’t prioritize simply because I honestly don’t enjoy doing them, despite their benefits. Without meaning to, I made the perfect analogy yesterday for lunch!

For whatever reason, I really wanted a big crunchy salad. I wanted colorful peppers, crisp cucumbers and sweet tomatoes on top of a big bed of Romaine lettuce. It was a very healthy craving, but I am still on my liquid fast. So I decided I would try to make myself a “liquid” salad. I should have stopped there. It sounds disgusting and the result was equally so. I poured this horrible looking mixture into my glass and tried to choke it down. (I am saving your appetite by not posting a picture of the actual smoothie. My “dream salad” picture is much better!) I tried to salt my “salad” but that did very little to help. A large dose of apple cider vinegar helped more than I expected, but it was still not enjoyable. The worst part- I made a full Vitamix container of it! Oy! And the kicker- it’s actually one of the most healthy smoothies I’ve ever made! It’s chock full of healthy organic veggies! There’s a lot of “goodness” in that nastiness. So I sat down and drank it. My kids all watched my face as I tried to make the experience look pleasant. I failed. They could all tell it was NOT good. I used the moment to teach them that even mommies have to do and eat things that they don’t like sometimes because it’s good for them. But the lesson hit home most in my own heart. I was drinking it because I didn’t want to waste all those good ingredients. I knew that it was incredibly nourishing despite the unpleasant flavor. How many good days have I “wasted” because I don’t enjoy the treatments that help me feel well and function at my best? I don’t enjoy the coffee enemas (who does?) but the days I do them I notice a HUGE difference. I don’t like the mistletoe shots I have to give myself, but they are stimulating my immune system. I could go on and on with the treatments I don’t like, yet I know are making a big difference in my ability to function. I get anxious taking time for treatments for myself. The long to-do lists starts to haunt me as I sit quietly contained detoxing in the sauna. But just like my nourishing “liquid salad,” I need to “choke” these things down. I need to discipline myself to do them so I can experience the benefits. What’s your “liquid salad?” What is something you know you will benefit from doing even though it may be unpleasant? Maybe we can encourage one another in our effort to “choke it down!” Here’s to making the effort!!!

Praising God for Shoes!

Posted on by Ginger

Earlier this spring, while volunteering at a small local dairy farm, I had my foot crushed by a cow. After a couple of months of hobbling around on crutches, and relatively little healing, I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS). Basically, it’s an over-firing and miscommunication between your central and peripheral nervous system. This miscommunication causes there to be pain with the slightest touch or sensation to the area affected. Simply having the ceiling fan on and the breeze blowing on my foot was excruciating, and forget taking a shower with the water hitting it. I was able to get in to see a great pain specialist up at the University of Florida who suggested I have a nerve block while doing physical therapy. The only issue was that my insurance wanted to argue my need for physical therapy and I was too tired to put up enough of a fight to get it done. So I limped around in an air boot for a couple more months until I could find a sandal that I could wear without pain. Using my background as a massage therapist I started doing all I could to desensitize the area and improve my range of motion. I was told by my pain specialist that if I couldn’t get the pain to go down that the next step would be spinal cord stimulation via an implanted device.

Ummm… let’s just say that I was a “give birth naturally” girl because the idea of someone touching my spinal cord with a needle FREAKED me out! So I became more than determined to figure out how to heal my foot! I would sit in tears in the tub as I massaged the area as deeply as I could handle. It certainly helped that I had Epsom salt and essential oils in the bath water. I would lightly use the dry brush over the area to help desensitize it even more. I also started using the homeopathic remedy Hypericum Perforatum 30c to treat nerve pain. The remedy was helpful but it didn’t completely relieve the pain or last for more than a few hours, so I increased the strength of the dose. I now take Hypericum Perforatum 200c once a week. My other favorite pain reliever is Curcumin! The newest therapy I am trying out is Red Light Therapy. I just started this about a week ago and plan to write more about it as I progress and have more experience with it.

The pain is not completely gone but I am more than 50% better and my pain specialist is happy with my progress. This week I took the next step in my “home therapy” program and found a pair of shoes I can “practice” wearing. I need to slowly train my body to handle wearing shoes again without misreading the pressure on the foot as pain. I found a pair that I can wear without immediately wanting to cry out in pain! They are slip-ons (no ties) that are the perfect amount of “looseness” and support. I am beyond excited!!! The last two days I have been wearing them with my special orthotic inserts and have been able to handle wearing them for more than 2 hours! This is no small thing. Six months ago I sat with my doctor wondering if I would ever be able to wear a shoe again! The one downside- after wearing the shoes for a couple hours my pain level is much higher. I know I still have a long way to go, and unfortunately I’ve started having pain in my right foot. (Because it’s a nerve problem it’s not uncommon for the CRPS to flare up or “spread” to the opposite appendage.)

Despite the continued pain, I feel confident that God is slowly healing me and trust that He is guiding me as I continue with therapy on both feet. For today, I am praising God that I have been able to wear shoes again! Healing is happening one little step at a time!!!

“Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;

heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.” Psalm 6:2 (NIV)

Resources:

***It is very important to me that I never recommend anything that I would not personally be okay using. If I ever receive compensation for sharing a link (an affiliate link) I will let you know. But it is my personal commitment to you,  as a reader of my blog, to post links very selectively.***

Balance

Posted on by Ginger

As you can see I am trying to get into the rhythm of posting every other day… or 3-4 times a week. I want to be sharing our journey while also keeping a good balance for my family. Balance is so important in life, but can feel so elusive at times. The use of technology can be an especially hard balancing act. If you are like me you appreciate a phone that can help you navigate to unknown places, do a quick google search and connect you to friends and family all over the world. At the same time there is this challenge of being “too connected” digitally while not connecting in person nearly enough. And of course, it’s not just our social life that can be affected by our overuse of technology. It’s not uncommon for me to get swept up working on my computer at night, with it’s intrusive blue light, instead of allowing my body time to prepare for going to bed. The blue light that our computers, TVs and phones emit can inhibit the natural production of melatonin, which in turn affects our ability to fall and stay asleep. With my challenge this month to get to bed by 11 pm each night, I have noticed that my evenings are not very “technologically” balanced. I really need to be turning off ALL digital devices at least an hour before I plan on going to sleep. I also need to be utilizing my salt lamps in the evening, with their gentle red glow, instead of all the LED bulbs throughout our house.

We often think of good bedtime routines as essential for our little children, but often forget how important they are for us as adults. We tend to push ourselves from the time we wake up until the time we fall into bed at night. But what if we started to create simple and sleep supportive bedtime routines for ourselves? Would we notice a difference in our sleep quality? What if we kept technology out of our rooms so that our bodies would get a break from all the EMF’s that these devices are exposing us too? (Check out the great article below on EMFs.) Before I go further, let me clarify, these are routines, not a set of unbreakable rules to add stress to your evening! The idea of creating a bedtime routine is to develop a habit of unplugging and unwinding from all the stress of the day. So don’t make it something elaborate that will cause angst and guilt because you don’t do it just perfect and exact each night. Keep it simple! My goal is to “unplug” an hour before my bed time and boil water for a relaxing cup of tea. My husband needs to do something with his brain to help it disconnect from all the worries of the day. He often plays a game on the computer before bedtime, but for his birthday we bought him a bunch of Sudoku books from the local dollar store. It’s good to understand what your brain needs to relax, but then try to find a “tech-free” way to achieve it.

I understand that there are also devices and even apps you can purchase that help block and limit the blue light from electronic devices. I have a pair of blue light blocking glasses for when I use my computer. But I would like to challenge us to find a way to actually take a break from technology and unplug for at least that last hour of the day. In a world so consumed with technology we need to be even more aware of our need to disconnect. Balance is a tricky thing, and everyone’s needs will be different. But universally we all need to disengage from the noise of technology so we can enjoy the quiet, take a break from social media to connect with the people in front of us, and detach from our virtual worlds to absorb the nature around us! What step will you take this week to find a better balance in your relationship with technology?

“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10 (NKJV)

Resources:

Celebrate Progress!

Posted on by Ginger

It’s super important to celebrate the little things in life! So today I am celebrating being on Day 10 of my liquid fast!!! That means I am a quarter of the way done. Woohoo! I am actually enjoying the challenge and the “growth” process. It has been even more enlightening to share the adventure with all of you. I find myself contemplating what I am learning each day instead of just quickly glossing over it. There is this beautiful sense of accountability and community.  So thank you for being part of my journey!

Here are a few of the positive changes I have noticed:

  • The dark circles under my eyes have lightened.
  • I have had less afternoon fatigue.
  • My cravings have diminished. I am not having the strong salty or sweet cravings in the evenings.
  • I am not having the same PMS symptoms I have had in previous months. (I will share more about that soon.)
  • Swollen tender lymph nodes have gone down and are less sensitive.
  • Less bloating and GI discomfort.

Those are just the main positives I am blatantly noticing. I know there are a lot more subtle ones going on. I have also noticed that I am breaking out more on my face and all. When healing and detoxing you always want to heal from the inside out. So in other words, you want to be pushing the toxins to the surface, not deeper into your body. So this increase in skin breakouts is actually a good sign even though it sounds negative. I have also had different joints and “pains” flare up that I haven’t felt in months. This too is a good sign as the body likes to revisit “old pains” as it heals. I am very happy with the progress I am making so far. I am not looking for miraculous changes over night, but instead steady gradual changes that will rebuild and fortify a healing foundation as I go forward.

One of best changes I have noticed is within my mental frame of mind. I feel like I am making decisions easier and with less anxiety. Yesterday I knew I needed to take a break from technology, so I stayed away from my phone and computer as much as possible. AND I didn’t feel guilty about it once! Then I had to make a decision about an upcoming business opportunity that I really wanted to do, but also knew it would take it’s toll on me physically. I have limited energy and I am still trying to work on the construction around our house. (We have been rehabbing from toxic mold.) I asked myself what the “best yes” was for me, given my current circumstances, took time to pray over it and then responded. The best part- I didn’t feel guilty when I decided to say no! It’s like when I gave myself permission to make my physical health a priority it translated into making my mental and spiritual health a priority too- guilt free! Funny how it trickles down and is all intertwined!

I know that none of these things shared today are major milestones or great accomplishments, but they are important just the same. It really is important to celebrate and give thanks for the little things in our lives. When we look for these little celebrations we open our hearts to notice even more of the beauty around us. We won’t always have big grand things to celebrate, but we can find joy in the little gifts God places along our daily paths. What can you celebrate today? What little “gift” has God placed in your path? Would you be daring enough to share in the comments below so I can celebrate with you? Let’s praise God together for the little things in life!!!

“Be generous with me and I’ll live a full life;
    not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road.
Open my eyes so I can see
    what you show me of your miracle-wonders.“

Psalm 119:17-18 (MSG)

Tears in the Tub

Posted on by Ginger

Today I woke with a migraine for the second day in a row. Migraines are my weakness, the littlest thing will set one off. I thought I had halted my migraine before I went to bed last night, but by the wee hours of the morning I was awake tossing in pain. I got up and made myself some herbal tea, a combination of Doctor Cinnamon Tea with a pinch of Lobelia. Last week, while researching the respiratory benefits of Lobelia, I discovered it can also act like a muscle relaxant. I decided it might be a good migraine remedy since most of my migraines involve muscle tension in my neck and shoulders. I added a pinch of Lobelia to the Doctor Cinnamon Tea blend because it contains Ginkgo Biloba, which has been shown to increase cerebral blood flow and ease headaches. (Not all migraines are caused by decreased blood flow but many are, including mine. Two signs that mine have a vascular component are that my pupils don’t dilate equally during a migraine, and heat from a sauna and/or hot shower will temporarily relieve the pain until I hit the cool air.) Yesterday this tea combo worked really well to relieve the pain, but today I only experienced a slight reprieve. So I decided to try the one thing I had not done yesterday… the coffee enema. AND it worked!!!

We have this great large jet tub in our Master bathroom where I can hide away from the kids and relax. I had crawled into it and was feeling my muscle tension melt away with the migraine, when the tears started to flow. There is something very cleansing about allowing yourself to cry. All week I had felt tears right below the surface, and now they were finally flowing. “Lord, I am so far behind on life. I am so overwhelmed. I don’t feel like I’m ever enough!” I sobbed. I laid there pouring out my heart to God about all the ways I feel I never do enough, or am enough, for all the people in my life that depend on me. The list was long. The tears continued to flow as I felt God telling me, “You are enough in ME!” I laid there and repeated out loud, “I am enough in Christ.” I kept repeating that truth until my heart believed it enough to regroup. I asked God what I was supposed to do, and together we came up with a list of priorities for today. They were not what I had originally set out to do, but they were what I knew were most important and needed right now. This open and personal relationship with Jesus is what keeps me going day to day. He has been my comfort and strength since I was a little girl. As I cried out to Him today, I was reminded about the times He showed up in the dark corners of my closet to comfort my young lonely heart. I would hide in my closet behind the clothes so no one would find me crying.  During those dark lonely times, I discovered that God is more than just an all-powerful Deity who sits up on His throne, He became my best friend. He is a God who understands our pain and joins us right where we’re at. Today I was feeling like I wasn’t enough. He wrapped His arms around me and reminded me of truth. He gently comforted my weary soul and helped me refocus my priorities. Have you been struggling with feeling like you are never enough? Do you feel like you just can’t do or be all that is expected of you? Maybe it’s time to crawl into a tub, let those tears fall, and let God wrap His arms around you too! He wants to be your best friend, your comfort and your Truth whisperer!

“We have a high priest who can feel it when we are weak and hurting. We have a high priest who has been tempted in every way, just as we are. But he did not sin. So let us boldly approach God’s throne of grace. Then we will receive mercy. We will find grace to help us when we need it.” Hebrews 4:15-16 (NIRV)

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Life’s NOT Fair!

Posted on by Ginger

Yesterday was our semi-weekly visit over to the West Coast of Florida for our in-office Lyme treatments. Our normal 3 hour drive ended up taking closer to 4 hours, between dealing with traffic and frequent potty stops. It’s quite the trek ,but I really enjoy the time with my kids in the car. We love singing through our favorite soundtracks and the  time in the car provides opportunity for invaluable conversations. The drive home almost always includes a shared appraisal of the gorgeous colors painted across the sky as the sun sets. In a world that is constantly bombarding us with more and more to do, and less time to simply “be” together, these trips are becoming treasured moments with my kiddos. But not everything about these trips is fun and games…

When we got to the medical center yesterday my 9 year old started to panic about getting her IV placed for her UBI (Ultraviolet Blood Irradiation) treatment. She has Asperger’s which affects her ability to regulate emotions and any change in routine greatly increases her anxiety. She has always been the second one in our family to get her IV placed, but yesterday they wanted to do her IV first. This just about caused her to have a complete melt down. I went ahead and had them place my IV first, and then sat her on my lap to calm her down. “Why do I even have to get an IV? Why don’t the other girls have to get UBI? It isn’t fair….” and on she went. I was calmly reminding her that she needs it to fight her Lyme, but she just continued to work herself up with all the ways it was so unfair. It was at this point that I was likely deemed a very uncaring mom by everyone else in the IV room. (I honestly didn’t look around for their reactions because I wasn’t parenting for their approval.) I firmly told her to look at me. When her eyes finally locked into mine I told her directly-

“You are right, it’s NOT fair. Life is NOT fair. It will NEVER be fair! But that is why we have to look for the good things, the positives that we have.”

It may seem harsh to tell a nine year old that life will ALWAYS be unfair. It certainly goes against our current culture that wants to make everyone a winner and not cause discomfort or distress for anyone. But it won’t help my child to teach her anything but the truth. LIFE IS NOT FAIR! But that doesn’t mean that life is not good or beautiful. If we live life always looking for it to be fair, we will always be disappointed. But if we understand that life can be both unfair and blessed, we can focus our attention on looking for the blessings. She calmed down as we discussed how she would likely get over her respiratory infection faster because of the UBI. And how blessed we were that God answered our prayers by allowing Mr. Frank to be working. Mr. Frank is phenomenal at placing IVs! I helped support her arm, and counted as she attempted to deep breathe (she needs more work at this), and within seconds her IV was in and her treatment was started. My little guy was a trooper when it came time to start his IV, and within minutes they were both quietly playing their Kindles while their UBI treatments were underway.  

They hooked up my IV with a Meyer’s Cocktail followed by a hydrogen peroxide treatment. I usually only do IV treatments about once a month, because our first priority is making sure the kid’s treatments are financially covered. Last month we got word that each of our children received a grant from the Lyme Light Foundation, to help cover their supplements and treatments for the next few months. This is a HUGE help! In September we also had an anonymous giver offer to do a matching gift up to $3700 for all funds raised during the month. Thanks to SO many generous donations we raised the full matching gift amount! I can’t even begin to tell you how overwhelmed with gratitude both my husband and I were at the loving generosity showered on our family. We were not only able to get the sauna we had been needing for over two years, but now I am able to get treatments twice a month as well. The cost of supplements and medications for a family of 6 with Lyme is crazy high, and that is before we add in any in-office treatments, lab work or extra doctor appointments. It would be so easy to look at the financial burden of treating a family with Lyme and think about how unfair it is. It’s unfair that all four of my children contracted congenital Lyme! But I can’t even type those words without reading the “blessings between the lines”- I have four children! I am so beyond blessed to be their mommy! So many women with chronic Lyme struggle with infertility and multiple miscarriages. We miraculously have had 5 children, and were allowed to keep and raise 4 here on earth! And we have certainly seen God show up in BIG ways to provide through the love and generosity of so many amazing people. My blessings far surpass the inequitable circumstances in my life!!!

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” 

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:8 & 19 (NIV)

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